


Love Letter

by r4pnonono



Category: LOONA (Korea Band), LOONA - Love Letter, Loona - LipSoul
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, Fluff and Angst, fine i’m gonna do it myself, fuckgirl!jinsoul, i’m just winging this, writer!jungeun, yeah her 10 balenciaga caps scream fuckgirl, y’all never wrote about the iconic lipsoul bside
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-06-13 18:48:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 29,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15371010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/r4pnonono/pseuds/r4pnonono
Summary: When Kim Jungeun, a member of the Writing Club with the perfect class standing and grades, sees Jinsoul's note that contrasts her reputation for being the famous campus player, a fire inside her reignites.Will she finally uncover her feelings, or pour them all in a love letter instead?





	1. The University Fair

Jungeun sighed for the twentieth time today.

If it wasn’t Kahei asking her to cover half the shift at the message booth, she would’ve been enjoying the last day of the university fair with Jiwoo. She already spent the first day catching up on her research. And God knows they’ve been meaning to meet after the exams but their plans get thrown out of the window by some things out of control -- a loud Yerim asking Jungeun to drive her to dance practice on Saturday; an equally, if not louder, Yeojin who gave her the puppy eyes to watch her recital last Sunday; and now a shy Kahei who still lacks the confidence to read Korean letters of people for the Writing Club’s message booth.

As clubmates, Jungeun is fully aware that Kahei joined struggling with her Korean, so she was surprised to witness Kahei accepting the job. It must be because their president, Haseul, was the one asking, she thought. But anyway, it’s her job _now_ this afternoon.

Walking around following the sound of Kahei’s voice playing over the speaker, she smiled proudly at the improvement. It hasn’t been a full term since Kahei moved from Hongkong, but she’s already doing so well, and everyone could see and hear that she’s quickly improving despite her saying otherwise.

“Jungeun? Over here!” a familiar voice shouted to her. She turned around to see a relieved Kahei, already off to sweep her for a hug.

“You really saved me! I signed up thinking I could practice on my Korean but I’ve been getting funny looks… I think I’m done for today,” Kahei laughed quietly.

“I heard you reading a short love letter just now and it was great, aside from some intonation issues…” Haseul chimed. “But yeah, good job! We can polish those next time. You did really well! Anyway, Jungeun, are you ready? You know the drill, right?” Haseul asked, handing her post-it notes. 

“Yeah, sure,” Jungeun smiled at their diligent president. “But I thought we prepared your favorite green sticky notes for this event?”

Haseul crunched her nose. “Oh. We gave the students different colors according to what they want to write. I figured we should read messages that fit the songs the AV Club is playing to follow the mood. Someone read an anonymous confession while Mr. Taxi was playing, and we don’t think it went across…”

“Anyway,” Kahei added, “We’re gonna take a break now, so just read the guide I wrote for you, Jungeun. Thanks again! I’ll buy you coffee next week!”

After waving the pair off, Jungeun sat and inspected the table. Apparently, it was a handy guide: green for a quick club promotion, orange for a shoutout to a missing friend, purple for parents urgently looking for their children, red for romantic confessions and peach for friendly ones. Everything else that doesn’t fit would be written in a white paper.

Chuckling to herself, she understood the need for the color-coded messages. Haseul really is a dependable leader and is quick to adapt. She reminded the others to thank Haseul for her efforts by the end of the day, then picked up the mic to start reading.

 

_Paging YEOJIN. Come to the parking lot NOW. You need to be home by 7pm for tomorrow’s practice. Love, Mom._

_Come to the Baking Club’s booth near the persimmon tree! We have heavenly bread tastier than high grade sushi!_

_Kim Junmyeon for University Student Council President!_

_Perhaps if you streamed Sonatine you wouldn’t have to worry about your exams._

_Shoutout to Chaewon. Park Chaewon. I’m not going on another ride with you. My ears hurt from all your screaming. My phone died from taking pictures of you. I’m going home. - Hyejoo._

_Baking Club SOLD OUT! To the ~~weird~~ mysterious girl who bought crazy amount of bread from us, thank you! _

_To Miss Jiwoo, your smile is brighter than the summer sun! Always stay positive uwu uwu_

 

A handful of them are just people telling other people to come meet them at the lines, some are to promote the rides, food stalls, and game booths. The fair is in full swing and it wasn't even sunset, Jungeun thought, smiling at both students and outsiders who were enjoying the event.

Surprisingly, there were also notes from supporters of Jiwoo’s soundcloud account, and some admirers of Jungeun. Every time she’d read one without realizing that it’s actually directed to her, her clubmates would nudge her, laugh with her, and she’d wave it off jokingly.

But the most she had gotten were red – a ton of confessions mostly for the, unarguably, prettiest sophomore in the university.

 

_Miss Jinsoul can I take you out for a coffee? - blade_

 

_Good luck on your exams, Jinsoul! Study hard or I’ll beat your lazy ass. – from H_

 

_Jung Jinsoul, who’s next girl? - brobit_

 

_Jinsoul’s got the prettiest hands in the world. - anon_

 

_Hey Jinsoul, I’ve been thinking about us. - anon_

 

_To Jinsoul: I sent you messages everywhere. Please reply. - anon_

 

There were just too many written for her. A request for a date, a demand for a meeting, or just quick compliments in different variations. It all boils down to the single fact that this certain blonde has a reputation for not only being one of the top students in majoring in Piano, but also for being, well, _the top._

Rumors of her going from one girl to another in several parties spread every week. It’s no big news for Jinsoul to be bringing a different girl to her dorm everytime. She had a penchant for living up to the fuckgirl lifestyle, and she’s even proud of it.

Even Jungeun, who is mostly oblivious to events happening outside the class or the clubroom, knows that Jinsoul would send a wink to girls obviously huddled to talk about her latest adventures of womanizing. She also knows Jinsoul deliberately open doors for girls while holding the eye contact for a second longer. Jungeun is also aware of the fact that Jinsoul keeps charming their classmates by always offering a demonstration in the piano whenever the teachers ask for it. She also notices things like Jinsoul’s old, overused converse, her Legolas-inspired hair, and her love for Wintermelon milk tea.

Okay. Maybe Jungeun knows a lot. But then again, everyone _just knows_ about her, right?

It was too much, even for Jungeun’s level of patience. Annoyed, she decided that it won’t hurt to leave one, or two, or ten, unread. Fuck it, she lost count of red sticky notes she returned to the unread pile. 

She rolled her eyes at another paper that’s addressed to the sophomore hottie. Thankfully, the hours passed like a blur, and it was finally time for another member to take over their message booth.

She was just back from a quick trip to the comfort room when a white sticky note grabbed her attention.

 

_I still dream of doing nice things with you. Will you come see me? A world without you deserves none of the love I give._

 

In the sea of notes, it was a miracle that she even read it. It was easily the most romantic one out of the hundred requests she already read.

“Guess who just submitted that note,” Haseul, finally back for the closing hours of the fair.

“I don’t know, some hopeless romantic? It’s a good one, though. Really stands out from all the desperate letters for Jinsoul.”

“Actually… It is Jinsoul.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s the first time i’ve written a fic! i figured that i haven’t seen someone do a ff about love letter when lipsoul served us with a whole bop skghlsdgkhlg
> 
> i also just want to say that since this is about love letter, im gonna insert some prose or bunch of poems later im sorry
> 
> anw comments and suggestions are highly appreciated! i wrote this half drunk and im just kinda winging this but i hope people will comment on what they'd like to see and i hope it turns out good! :^)


	2. The Turn

Jinsoul nervously adjusted her Balenciaga cap twice before handing the mic to the most powerful person in the school.

The weather for the two days of the fair was perfect. It was just the right amount of sunshine and clouds. She didn’t even have to wear her cap until _now_.

As a member of the AV club, she knew their job was to provide good music all day long. They spent a full week curating Spotify playlists with iconic bops and sweet love songs. Their goal was to provide music to make the fair more memorable for both first-timers and regulars. Having spent her entire lifetime to music, she knows the power songs hold to command the mood.

She was just as surprised as everyone when the Dean, Dr. Jaden Jeong, slowly walked towards the backstage requesting for the mic.

“Hello! It has been an amazing two days with you all! To all the clubs that made this university fair possible, good work! As a reward, all the practicals are moved to the week after next, so rest well and prepare for your exams!” Mr. Jeong flashed a grin at the students who cheered at his announcement. Everyone was visibly relieved, especially Jinsoul. More time to work on her original songs, she thought.

He held up his hand, easily reducing the noise to murmurs, and continued.

“And as bonus, all the people who worked in the booths can now enjoy all the rides for free until midnight, provided you close your stalls properly and present your respective IDs.”

The crowd cheered wildly. Everyone admired this man. He runs the school with a vision, and he knows just how to push the students academically as well as when to give them a breather.

“To the people who came to have fun with us, I hope you made good memories from our fair, and will continue to support our students in their future events! Please enjoy the rest of your night and take care! ”

Jinsoul relaxed as the man of the hour handed the mic back to Sooyoung before clapping her shoulder. They all watched him as he disappeared into the crowd. He really is the best thing that happened to this school, they all exclaimed.

Ha Sooyoung, Jinsoul’s bestfriend, laughed in relief as she joined the other members in cleaning up. Thanks to their Dean, they could finally enjoy the rest of the fair without worrying about their booth. They set up an upbeat playlist before heading to the lines.

“Good job today,” Sooyoung exclaimed to everyone one last time. “Especially you Jinsoul, you even played your secret remixes. They’re actually good. You should upload them!”

“Nah, I’m already hot, and smart. If they find out I’m also talented, they’d probably faint. Can’t do that.”

“Hey!” said Hyunjin, who somehow invited herself backstage yet again, sitting down on the chair. She swiveled to Jinsoul’s direction to offer her bread, only to hit the older blonde’s chest when she came within reach. “Unnie, you shouldn’t have said it. Now she’s just being a jerk!”

“Well I’m just saying the truth. Race to the Viking?” Jinsoul smirked as she crouched to retie the laces of her white high cut, battered Converse All-Star.

“Bet!” shouted Hyunjin, who was already sprinting to the rides.

 

“Give it up Jinsoul, you really lost to Hyunjin. That’s what you get when you go against the fastest runner among the first years.” Sooyoung laughed, to Hyunjin’s celebration. Jinsoul made a mental note to invite Hyunjin next Friday to The Red Owl for some coffee and study time.

“It wasn’t even a race, unnie. I saw her turn to the Writing Club’s booth to request a shoutout. By the way, what did you write there?”

“Nothing, really. I just felt like writing something. I’m not even sure if the right person heard it. ”

“Knowing you, Jinsoul, you probably wrote something to praise yourself,” Sooyoung joked.

“Her ego is already as big as it is though. She doesn’t need another boost. ” Hyunjin laughed. “Oh, it’s our turn now!” Hyunjin clapped happily.

“Alright let’s do this!” Jinsoul cheered loudly, riding the first out of the many rides the fair has to offer, with the two lovely people she cherished the most in this school.

 

**5 New Messages**

_ChaeWon: jinsoul_

_ChaeWon: jiNSOUL_

_ChaeWon: The Butterfly’s been booked for an afterparty btw_

_ChaeWon: just letting u know since ur a regular. anw it's been going on since 9. lots of ppl_

_ChaeWon: get ur game on i guess_

 

_JinSoul: yeha we just booked hyunjin a ride home_

_JinSoul: omw w sooyoun_ **_g_ **

 

As Jinsoul adjusted her cap once again, her mind already set into fuckgirl mode, smiling widely at the thought of some girl stringing sweet, incomprehensible sighs and moans against her ear by the end of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick introduction to Jinsoul, Sooyoung, and Hyunjin. Split the actual chapter in two because it was long. The real stuff happens in the next chapter. :)


	3. The Butterfly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinsoul gets her game on in the afterparty. 
> 
> How much would it take her to taste Jungeun's intoxicated lips? Twenty dollars? 
> 
> (A lot of lipsoul flirting. Not gonna warn you anymore since you know what you signed up for. I wrote this with Ariana Grande's Dangerous Woman album on repeat. That HeeJin Greedy fancam SENDS ME.)

**_Don't want to deny it anymore_ **

**_Been in this state of mind_ **

**_Been in this state of mind_ **

**_Been in this state of mind, oh yeah~_ **

****

“Haseul I can’t believe you spent good money for _alcoholic_ drinks. _You_! Of all people!” Jungeun shouted through the loud music blasting Ariana Grande’s Greedy.

“We deserve a celebration! Did you know our booth had the highest earnings in the fair?” Haseul shouted back, taking a swig of her almost-empty bottle.

“We did?!”

“No we didn’t, dummy! But just stop complaining or worrying or whatever and go get wasted!” she waved Jungeun off, already walking towards the bar for another beer.

Jungeun was not a total stranger to The Butterfly. The family of her good friend, Chaewon, runs the establishment. It’s just that she’s more used to going here at day, not at night. She shrugged it off and thought that Haseul’s right – they all deserved this party to loosen up before exam week.

She followed Haseul, leaning towards the bartender, asking for her fifth bottle of beer when Jinsoul suddenly appeared.

 

**_Greedy, I'm greedy, I'm greedy, I'm greedy_ **

**_I'm greedy, I'm greedy, I'm greedy, I'm greedy for love~_ **

 

“If it isn’t The Kim. Jung. Eun. Wow. It has impact, doesn’t it? Hi darling. Having a good time?”

“Not as much as you, though, Jung Jinsoul.” Jungeun nodded to the brunette under Jinsoul’s arms.

“Oh. Yeah. Well, this is— uh…Babe?”

“Niki. Come on, we got our drinks now.”

“Right, Niki. So yeah, see you around! Nice top, by the way. I like red on you.” Jinsoul turned around to leave, but not before smirking and looking at Jungeun like a meal. How could this person flirt with her when she already has another girl with her?

 

**_Baby, you got lucky cause you're rocking with the best_ **

**_And I'm greedy~_ **

****

The bartender gave each of them two shots of free vodka in addition to their beer. Without question, she gulped them both quickly, then walked towards Sooyoung with Haseul.

“Whoa Jungeun. Didn’t know you could drink like that!” Sooyoung laughed, surprised to see the top two students in their class drink like there’s no tomorrow.

“Just catching up with the rest of you here. Anyway, where’s our favorite girl?”

“Haseullie, is she gonna kill Jinsoul?”

“Nah but she obviously wants to play. She’s drunk.” Haseul whispered to Sooyoung, then swinging her arm around Jungeun’s shoulder.

“My God, you look like you’re gonna swallow her whole,” Sooyoung laughed, then nodded towards a certain blonde walking towards them from 9 o’clock.

Jungeun stood in anticipation as properly as she can. She can hold her own against a few bottle of beers, but the vodka in her system made her lose a bit of her sense of balance. But thankfully, she also lost her inhibitions. Two can play this game, she thought.

“I see you lost your girl tonight.” this time, it was Jungeun smirking at Jinsoul.

“Well not really. You’re standing in front of me, aren’t you?” replied a sheepish Jinsoul. “So, how does it feel to be the prettiest girl in the room?”

Everyone burst out laughing.

“What the fuck? Oh my god. Jinsoul I know you’ve been trying, but I’m not gonna be yours.”

“Alright well we’re out of drinks. Sooyoung, let’s get more?” Haseul announced, walking away with a laughing Sooyoung by the arm.

“I’ve always wondered how you’ve been resisting my charms.”

“It’s not me, it’s the stench of countless girls’ perfumes on you that makes me stay away.”

“Hmm,” Jinsoul held Jungeun’s chin. “I always make sure to bathe the smell away everytime though,” she said, looking right into the other blonde’s eyes.

“What are you doing now, Jinsoul?”

“Are you in love with me?”

“Well, maybe. You _do_ look good in blue. ”

“Well, I fell deeply in love with you the moment I saw you downing those shots of vodka.”

“You saw that?”

“It’s the sexiest thing that happened in this room, babe.”

“Are you ever gonna run out of pickup lines?” Jungeun asked, taking a swig of her drink.

“I’m hurt. Those were my genuine thoughts of you. This, is a pickup line --  did it hurt?” Jinsoul said while taking the bottle away from Jungeun.

“Did what hurt?”

“When you fell from heaven,” the girl with the Balenciaga cap said, drinking from Jungeun’s bottle of beer.

“These cheesy lines don’t suit you and they’re not gonna work. How about switching to your expertise, the slutty ones?” Jungeun challenged, sitting on a stool, looking expectantly.

Jinsoul strode in between Jungeun’s legs before she protested. “You’re so selfish. You have this body for the rest of your life, and I just want it for one night.”

“Go on.”

The girl put one arm around Jungeun’s waist. “All these curves, and me with no brakes.”

Jungeun bit her lip then laughed. “Doesn’t work. But I like it. Give me more.”

“You can’t be my first, but you can be my next.”

“Ha. Ha. Funny. But no,” Jungeun stood up. “Playtime’s over, Jinsoul. Nice try, but I’m never gonna yours for the taking.”

“Hey, how about we bet on something before you leave? I’ve been meaning to do this with you earlier too. ”

“If it doesn’t take too long, sure. What is it?”

“I’d bet 20 dollars I can kiss you without using my lips.”

Jungeun looked puzzled. Surely it was impossible, right? But she decided since still had a couple of minutes before 3am, it wouldn’t hurt to give Jinsoul a chance. “Fine. I’ll take that bet,” she said, utterly confident.

As Jinsoul took a step closer, Jungeun stepped back, bumping into the stool behind her. Jinsoul smiled at the other girl’s quickening breath, eyes never leaving her stares. She planted a kiss for two long seconds, before pulling away and whispering “Well I think I lost.”

Jungeun burst out laughing again. “Wow, I feel so dumb for falling for that. I’d better go, Haseul is a lightweight and I should really stop her from drinking.”

“Alright,” Jinsoul shrugged, then handed her 20 dollars.

“This is the best thing you ever did tonight, Jinsoul.”

“Giving you the kiss, or the money?”

“Go figure that out yourself,” Jungeun shouted as she walks away, leaving a breathless Jinsoul.

 

When Jungeun was about to pay for their drinks, a tissue with a vaguely familiar handwriting on it fell out of her pocket. Jungeun wondered how in the world she noticed and read the whole thing, with all the alcohol in her system, but she’s glad she did.

 

**_I’ve got a shot or two with my name on them, but at the bottom of the glass, all I read was yours._ **

 

_“Damn you, Jung Jinsoul. The things you do to me. ”_

_“Damn you, Kim Jungeun. The things I’d do for you."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're just getting started here.


	4. The Owl

“She left.”

 Jinsoul turned around to face Sooyoung. It’s past 3 am, and the crowd is thinning. She looked at the door, where, moments ago, Jungeun went through, along with a very, _very_ drunk Haseul.

 “What now? Are you just gonna stand there or get back to the woman you were supposed to be making out with?”

“Huh? Oh, no, let’s just go back to our dorm. I think I know what I want,“ Jinsoul replied, a spark growing in her eyes that Sooyoung knows too well.

They left _The Butterfly_ and hailed a cab. Sooyoung gave the driver their address and continued talking.

“I heard from Haseul she’s never had a boyfriend, or a girlfriend, but I’m pretty sure Jungeun knows better. The whole school knows, Jinsoul, so she does too.”

Silence. Jinsoul’s had too many girls, but Jungeun remained different than all of them.

The other blonde was known to be a hardworking student, a passionate friend, and a dependable club vice president. Jungeun was their high school batch’s valedictorian, and since first year college she’s been in the Dean’s list. She was previously a member of the Debate Club whose fame spread not only around their school, but to other universities as well, for being the first freshman to bring home a gold trophy. She was also known to reject a scholarship grant offered to her to make her stay in the Debate Club and leave Writing Club, but she was adamant about supporting Haseul all the way.

Needless to say, Jungeun had a reputation for being level-headed, strong-willed, and objective.

The pair reached their dorm and plopped in their respective beds with exhaustion. Sooyoung was already tired from the fair and the afterparty, and was about to turn the lights when she caught Jinsoul smiling at her phone.

“Twenty dollars say you’re looking at Jungeun’s IG.”

Jinsoul made her trademark smirk and laughed at the memory of her stupid, yet successful bet at the bar.

“You saw?”

“I knew it was going to happen eventually. I’m happy you guys had a moment tonight. You should just fix yourself if you wanna commit, you know?” Sooyoung turned off the lights, and finally laid down her bed.

“By the way, how was it? How did you feel?” her roommate excitedly asked, happiness radiating from her voice, even in the dark.

“Jeez man we can talk about that tomorrow, let’s just sleep now! Night!” Jinsoul chirped as she settled into the covers, grinning from ear to ear as she replayed all her favorite moments with Jungeun until sleep finally took over her.

 

_Yeah, for the first time, it did feel right._

_***_

 

It’s a busy night for _The Owl_.

 

Aptly named because they’re open from 6 am until 2 am, this café is a favorite among students, including Jungeun. The place is large enough, the atmosphere is conducive to learning, and they serve the best coffee while also providing small but quieter rooms upstairs for people really dedicated to cramming.

Which is exactly why Jungeun chose this place for Kahei’s treat, a week after the fair.

“Did you really have to add three shots? You already had three cups of coffee before I came! At this point you’ll be dead before you submit your poems to Haseul,” Kahei whispered to Jungeun.

She knows the girl is very dedicated to the Writing Club, but she also knows the thin border between dedication and burnout.

“Are you listening to me? If you can’t finish writing them because of exams I can tell Haseul about it. She’ll understand,” She whispered once again, this time, grabbing the other girl’s attention.

“No way. You’ve all done your part to help by pushing through the Message booth and submitting your stories. Besides, I only need, like, uh… ”

The older girl started collecting her things and sighed in defeat. “I know you just don’t want to disappoint Haseul, but --”

“I only need ten more poems. Sad ones. And I’m done. I can do it. And it’s only Monday. She doesn’t need it until Friday. I need to do this for her so she could stop worrying about our club,” replied Jungeun.

Obviously unconvinced, Kahei left Jungeun after taking her frappe and wishing her good luck, leaving the desperate girl alone with her books, laptop, and her writer’s block.

_Oh boy, I only have one brain cell left._

Jungeun continued to rack her brain for prompts and ideas for another hour when Jinsoul greeted her.

“Wow, you really are working so hard, aren’t you?” the confident girl sat down in front of her, eyeing the four cups of coffee on the table.

“Thanks, but I’m not really getting anything done here,” Jungeun sighed.

She looked up from her laptop to meet Jinsoul’s eyes. She was surprised to see her looking _right at her_ , with her chin resting on her hands.

Jungeun looked away shyly, wondering why Jinsoul was sitting right in front of her looking like a stunner while she sat there in her hoodie and shorts with dark circles under her eyes.

“You know Jinsoul I’m kind of busy here. I need all the time I have left until midnight so—“

“If you’re studying for tomorrow’s exam we can study together so I could help you stay awake. It’s only 8 o’clock, you can’t order another coffee when you’ve already had so many.”

Jungeun could only nod. She’d been up since 5 am and hasn’t taken a nap since, with all the caffeine running in her system. A study buddy should help her stay up for another four hours.

“Stay here, I’ll get my things,” Jinsoul flashed her a smile.

_“Why is she suddenly being nice to me?”_ Jungeun wondered to herself. She knows they kissed once last week, and remembers every single detail of it, which is why she feels stiff towards the other girl. She hasn’t been able to focus properly on her revisions for a full week. Every day she sees Jinsoul, she finds herself relieving the whole scene in her head. This girl talks to just anyone at class when she feels like it, but Jungeun secretly wished she’d tease her about it so she’d know if she’s not the only one who remembers.

A couple of minutes later, Jinsoul placed her study materials on Jungeun’s table and put her bag under the chair. Then a waiter arrived with Jinsoul’s order of two cups of milk.

“I didn’t expect you to like milk,” Jungeun said, shooting Jinsoul with an intriguing look.

“What can I say? A girl needs her calcium every day. And I can easily stay up if I want to, so I don’t really drink coffee.”

The two went back to doing their own work for another two hours when Jinsoul broke the silence.

“Hey, so I’m gonna start asking you with the sample questions in the book to see if you’ve got it down by now. About chapter seven—”

“Wait, wait, wait! I haven’t read anything about—“

“What the actual fuck are you doing then?”

 Jungeun took a sharp breath.

 “It’s this thing for the Writing Club. I need to write ten more poems so we could start printing our chapbook,” she tells her, sighing in defeat.

Jinsoul put her book down and continued to press Jungeun about the issue.

“Remember when the seniors released a chapbook last year? Anyway, those were actually full of subversive pieces we wrote about a professor’s sexual harassment. They didn’t print the actual file that our club adviser approved of,” Jungeun admits.

“Okay so some old dude got exposed, and yes I know of it, and from what I’ve heard, he left the school already and that’s amazing, right? So what about it?”

“Well those balding old people didn’t like it. They defended him, saying we shouldn’t have made it so obvious to the point that everyone in this school looked at the old guy with disgust. All the gossiping forced him to resign, yeah sure, but they said his teaching techniques were impressive and effective.”

Jinsoul scoffed and drank her milk, then replied.

“So now they want your club gone? Just like that?”

“Yeah. They figured we’d do something similar, since we all know there’s still a professor who takes money for additional grades, and another one who likes to bully those who are openly gay. Haseul wanted to do it again, but the school doesn’t want us stirring up shit.”

“That’s just unfair! And it’s not helping the school’s reputation. They should just weed out all the bad teachers here. All the Journalism Club does is write crap that glorifies the school and kiss the director’s as—”

The other girl quickly covered Jinsoul’s mouth and shot her a look before looking around the café.

“There _some_ _people_ here! Jesus, we’re both angry, but tone it down, will you?”

Jinsoul removed Jungeun’s hand, face flushed because of the sudden contact of the other blonde’s hand against her lips, and continued her protest, this time, more quietly.

“You guys did great. They should be ashamed, and you should be proud of yourselves for doing something good. God knows how many more girls could’ve harassed just by being here. Fuck them.”

 Jungeun looked at Jinsoul’s face, surprised at her sudden burst of anger towards their university. She knew the taller one is smart and collected, but never noticed that she’s also vocal about the school’s issues.

“Thank you, really. It’s been hell because we’ve written so much to fit Haseul’s plan, and we’re all tired and busy to write new ones. We need to submit the manuscript to our adviser, and he’d be the one to _personally send_ the master file to the printing press, to avoid any _accidents,_ ” Jungeun added after resting her head on the pile of reviewers she hasn’t started to read yet.

“So you guys are now writing a chapbook with sappy bullshittery to keep your club going?”

Jungeun laughs heartily, smiling at Jinsoul’s choice of words.

“Yeah that’s where we’re at now, writing about love and all that crap.”

“Sappy bullshittery.”

“Yes, sappy bullshittery I’ve never even experienced, that’s why I can’t write anything.”

Jinsoul noted how that laugh was similar to ones Jungeun made at the afterparty. _She has a nice voice._ And it was a sound she wanted to hear more. She liked how she’s the one to make Jungeun laugh after talking about what’s troubling her.

She moved her one hand to stroke Jungeun’s head, noticing how soft her hair is even though the girl also bleaches her hair.

“What are you doing now?”

“This is called being nice. But seriously, man, don’t push yourself to write when you can’t come up with anything after, like, three hours. Just rest for now and study for tomorrow then try again after exams, alright?”

Jungeun looked up to a smiling Jinsoul. The smile she saw wasn’t something she’s seen her do before. It wasn’t that cocky smile that she often made, but rather, a soft one that made Jungeun feel safe and comfortable. It’s a smile the makes Jinsoul twice as charming, as if the girl could possibly be any more beautiful that she already was. She never knew that she liked this particular form of affection, but she’s thankful that Jinsoul did it to make her relax, even for just a bit.

They stayed like that for another minute or two until a brunette bent down to level with Jungeun’s face on the table.

“Jungeun?!”

Surprised, Jungeun suddenly stood up, making her head spin in the process.

“Jiwoo? What are you doing here?”

“Eh? Studying of course! What are _you_ doing?”

“Studying, _of course._ We have an exam, right?”

Jiwoo smiled blankly then looked at Jungeun, then, Jinsoul, and then Jinsoul’s hand on the spot where Jungeun’s head was, moments ago.

Jinsoul shifted uncomfortably from her seat, then checked her phone, and smiled at Jiwoo.

“Yeah we were just sharing the table so she wouldn’t fall asleep,” Jinsoul replied, tapping her book.

“Is that it? You look like you were making her sleep though...”

“We were having a break, right Jinsoul?”

“Yeah we were. Anyway, I gotta leave now, I forgot Sooyoung’s supposed to pick me up at 11.”

“Really?” Jiwoo asked with a cheery voice.

“Uh, yeah. Says we need to eat to eat dinner properly to get her into study mode. Could you watch my bag for a bit? I just need to go to the restroom.”

Jinsoul came back to the two girls quizzing each other about the topics for the exam.

“Wait,” Jungeun said, holding down Jinsoul’s book before she picked it up. “Uh, Jiwoo, we should just head home together. This place is starting to get colder, and I wanna sleep for a bit before studying again.”

“Alright, let’s go, then. I’ll just get my bags. Hey, good night and good luck for tomorrow, Jinsoul!”

“Yeah, thanks! You too!”

Jiwoo left, then Jungeun handed over the book to Jinsoul.

“Thank you, really,” Jungeun said, a smile slowly spreading across her face.

“For what?”

“I don’t know? For being nice?”

“Ah, that. Well, just tell me and I’d do it again if you like,” Jinsoul smirked, her usual confidence finally back in full force.

_Damn, this girl, really._

“Yeah, right, but I’m still not falling for you.”

“Oh babe,” Jinsoul laughs, walking backwards, away from Jungeun and towards the door. “You don’t know that.”

 

“Finally! What took you so long? You never made me wait for you before. Were you hitting on some girl at an exam week? God, you should really just stop that, Jinsoul.”

“Try me, bitch, I can answer all your questions. Anyway, what’s for dinner? I’m actually hungry.”

“I could give you a pop quiz and you’d get it right, Miss Top 10.  But we are NOT leaving until you tell me what held you up there,” Sooyoung said, arms crossed.

“Jungeun was there, we studied on the same table. She told me all about their club situation.”

“Ah, yeah, Haseul told me during the afterparty. Oh well, I’m sure they can handle it! Pizza?”

Jinsoul was about to start reading where she left off when a paper and two 10-dollar bills fell from her book.

 

_"Felt like a proper slut with your money last week so I’m giving it back. Just ask me next time. xx”_

 “Bet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do you all feel about this bit of LipSoul interaction? skjdhksdbgl lmao sorry it takes me a while to update, but here it is haha I will upload the next chapter tomorrow too!


	5. The Threat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anyone could be hiding under a mask.
> 
> Everyone has a secret.

As soon as their proctor left after making sure that all students have submitted the test questionnaires and answer cards, Jinsoul scanned the room for Jungeun. She knew that Jungeun was smart enough to get at least a passing score for today’s exam, but that didn’t stop Jinsoul from worrying about her. She spotted Jungeun quickly walking outside the classroom while typing on her phone anxiously, making Jinsoul’s stomach flip with concern.

Jinsoul tapped Sooyoung’s shoulder and wordlessly excused herself out, running outside the room to follow the other blonde. Something about the expression Jungeun just made was definitely wrong, she thought. It was quickly confirmed when she saw her turn to the comfort room then heard a single, stifled sob.

Not knowing what to do, Jinsoul just stood outside for a couple of seconds before swinging the door open, revealing a distressed girl who’s staring at a phone in her hand.

“Jungeun,” Jinsoul called, approaching Jungeun slowly. “Are you alright?” she asked, realizing that it was a stupid question to ask when Jungeun was obviously looking upset already.

Jungeun’s eyes shot up to Jinsoul’s for a brief moment and looked down to her phone again. “It’s the Writing Club. Haseul sent a photo of the memo,” she said, handing her phone to Jinsoul. “Shit. She… I don’t know what’s happening anymore,” Jungeun blurted out, fighting the urge to break into a full sob, but eventually giving up. Her legs gave way and she was about to slump on the floor, when a pair of arms caught her then boosted her up to sit on the comfort room’s countertop.

Jinsoul stroked Jungeun from her hair down to her back with one hand. She’s now facing the mirror, looking at the reflection of the poor blonde’s shoulder hitching up and down. Suddenly remembering that Jungeun’s phone was in her hands, she swiped up to read through the Writing Club’s group chat conversation.

The chat was pretty much filled with cheerful stickers and words of encouragement exchanged with the members until last night. She scrolled down until she found the photo of the memo sent by Haseul.

_That would be two hours before the third years like Haseul started their exam, and an hour before we started ours. So she already knew of this while we were answering the test?_

The memo simply stated that the Writing Club would cease all their present and future activities, be dissolved, and the members who are still interested may join the Journalism Club’s feature writers if they’re still interested in pursuing creative writing. The memo said that the decision is set to be effective immediately. At first she was just disappointed with the decision, but Jinsoul’s anger doubled when she saw that it was their college dean and school director, Dr. Jaden Jeong, who signed the memo, _a day_ after the university fair. Under that photo, Haseul told the members to not worry about the club and just focus on the exam week. She also added that she would take care of the issue today, and insisted that she’d talk to Dr. Jeong alone to fix the problem.

“Th-this girl from our club is actually the bestfriend of the girl who was harassed by a professor, and we have two freshmen who joined so they’d have a platform to inform the school about the other professor who mock and degrade them for being gay. Haseul…” Jungeun said, fighting through sobs. “She listened to the students who don’t have a voice. She gave them hope that there would be justice for them if we could just publish their struggles through our writing. We promised the seniors that we would carry their legacy, and now they just… Just like that… We worked hard to revise what we already wrote, we also made new pieces that they wanted us to write, but we actually never had that chance? It’s so unfair. It’s so unfair, and Haseul’s alone there talking to him. Haseul just wanted to help everyone… She’s so brave and amazing and we just wanted… ”

Jungeun let her voice trail off as she burst into another fit of sobs against Jinsoul’s shoulders. The sound of this girl, who was just as passionate as their club leader, crying her heart out because the school just couldn’t let go of old, disgusting teachers, was enough to make Jinsoul mad with white-hot anger for the whole system. Anyone could see that the decision was indeed unfair. The absurdity and apathy of the school, of their director, towards the Writing Club was just too much – it was inhumane. And it was a stark contrast to compassionate Jaden Jeong that every one knows.

_They just don’t know the real him. They only know how he is when he’s talking on the stage and walking through the hallways. They don’t know him behind his office doors._

_But I know._

_I know._

“Jungeun, it’s going to be alright. If you believe in your president, you know she would try her best to fix this situation. She has her own ways. Just trust Haseul,” Jinsoul tried to console Jungeun with these words, handing her handkerchief to the other girl. She noticed how her body shook a little bit harder at the sound of Haseul’s name. One thing’s for sure, she was undeniably fond of Haseul, like all the others, and would go all the way to support her as their club president and as a friend.

Jinsoul admired this side of Jungeun, but she couldn’t stand watching her get her heart broken like this. She knows they were writing for a good cause, and it’s absurd how the school, with all its talk about values and compassion, would destroy a club whose aim was to promote a safer environment for the students through prose and poems.

Jungeun hugged her tighter, so Jinsoul just stood there, gently stroking and comforting Jungeun for what seemed like forever, until Sooyoung entered the comfort room, along with Haseul.  The pair was surprised to witness what seemed like an intimate situation before realizing that Jinsoul was neither smiling nor smirking at their direction.

“Are you crying? Why are you crying? Didn’t you study enough for your exam?” Haseul asked Jungeun, slapping her shoulders in a playful manner.

Hearing the voice of her friend, Jungeun immediately removed her face from the corner of Jinsoul’s shoulder, only to launch herself in Haseul’s arms.

“Why wouldn’t I cry? We’ve worked so hard writing and managing that booth, and they just want us gone? Why aren’t you crying?”

“I did cry a bit when I sent that photo, but I had an exam to pass. Why did you let it get to you though?” Haseul asked her again while Jungeun hugged her tighter.  “It’s gonna be fine, Jungeun. If they wouldn’t let us have our club back, we could just file a complaint somewhere else, so we could still help those people. We have more ways than one, right?”

“But what about you? You love writing fiction so much! What about the others who just like to write and see their work published? They’d be devastated,” Jungeun said, this time facing Haseul properly.

“I’m fine with it, but it means I can’t run as a student council president. One of the requirements is to be an active member of a club for two years. But if can’t do that I would just focus on my major and my grades. The others would just organize a group outside the school, I guess. It’d be hard since we wouldn’t have the funds, but if they wanted to publish something they really love, I know they could do it. It’s a long shot, but we really can’t do much now. I’m not giving up though, I still have to talk to Mr. Jeong… Why are you crying?” Haseul asked again, then smiled towards Jinsoul and Sooyoung, who just stood on one corner of the comfort room.

“I knew you wanted to be the student body president. So I cried, really cried, you know? I was worried about you.  I thought you’d be so upset at all our wasted efforts. Are you really alright, Haseul? Damn it, if I knew you wouldn’t be crying as hard I wouldn’t have wasted my tears,” Jungeun said, finally smiling and laughing at the whole ordeal.

“Are you okay now?” Sooyoung asked Jungeun this time, offering a box of tissues. Jungeun looked at the mirror for one second before accepting the tissues.

“Oh my God I look like shit! Yeah, I guess I’m okay now. This is all your fault, Haseul! Really!” Jungeun exclaimed, hitting Haseul’s shoulder playfully.

“Yeah, yeah, well I was just about to go to the dean’s office to try to get our chance back, like they initially promised. We would have to stop writing indirect pieces about the professors, but I still want our own club because we all enjoy writing together.  And I want to run for student council president. You loved it there too, right? If we get merged into the Journalism club it wouldn’t be the same. Stop being sad now, we’ll get through this! ” Haseul said, her voice brimming with positivity.

“Yes. I loved it there. Debate club had a lot of boring know-it-alls. I’m really glad we have our club now. Writing’s more fun when we’re together, and I’m happy we’re in the same club, Haseul,” Jungeun said, smiling at her dear friend.

“Now that you’re feeling better,” Jinsoul said, looking up from her phone, “we should go outta here. I feel stuffy, and you cried a lot so you need something to drink. We need to go back home to study too, we still have to study. We have three more days before exam week ends,” she added, looking at the three other girls. They all nod in unison.

“Okay. Jungeun, you have to go home first so you could freshen up and rest. I know you were trying to write until midnight without studying for the exam, so you should just focus on studying for now. You don’t need to write until we have the final decision today. I’ll tell you all about the talk tomorrow. Got it? Bye!” Haseul said, leaving Jungeun with Sooyoung and Jinsoul. Jungeun could only wave her goodbye.

 

***

 

“Stop,” Jinsoul said, catching her breath, finally reaching the dean’s office after a full five-minute sprint. She was running, again, but this time, towards Haseul. She seemed to do a lot of running today, she thought.

“Well there’s no stopping me from talking to the dean to get our club back, if that’s what you’re talking about,” Haseul said, with a tone of confusion.

“I mean, wait. Jeez, let me breathe her for a sec,” Jinsoul said through gritted teeth. Then she added, “if you’re going to talk to him, you shouldn’t be alone. He’ll bully you into keeping quiet.”

“What? Is Jungeun coming? I don’t get what you’re saying, Jinsoul.”

“No, no, no. She already left the school with Jiwoo, don’t worry.  Sooyoung offered to drive them home. But you _really_ shouldn’t talk to him by yourself.”

Haseul furrowed her brows. “I don’t understand what you just said. I’m sure he’ll reconsider once he hears our side.”

“Oh, I’m sure he will. Let’s go?”

Haseul was about to protest, but then Jinsoul already swung the door open without even knocking. She wondered if Jinsoul was actually a rude person, but quickly dismissed that idea.

The renowned producer, composer, and Dean of the College of Music, Jaden Jeong, stood up from his office chair and walked up to the two girls, spreading his arms open, as if he’s not at all surprised by their sudden, unannounced entry.

“Right on schedule, Miss Jo Haseul. Come on, sit down,” he said, pointing at the black leather couch while leaning against his desk. He smiled at her warmly, and Haseul swears she almost forgot at how mad she was about the school’s decision to dissolve their club.

Just as she was about to sit down, she noticed Jinsoul walking past her and Dr. Jeong, to the window behind his table. Haseul noted that the blonde one did it with confidence, as if she’s used to walking around the office of the most powerful man in their university.

“Ah, don’t mind me, I’m just going to look through the window, just to see if my friend already left the campus. Go on,” Jinsoul said, doing exactly what she just stated.

Haseul could sense the atmosphere getting heavier inside his office. She looked at Dr. Jeong, as if asking for his permission for her to start talking, and he nodded.

“Good afternoon, sir. We saw the memo taped on our club door today, and we just wanted to ask – why didn’t you tell us sooner? We entered an agreement with our adviser thinking we still have a chance to revise our manuscript so we could continue with our club activity, but – ”

“I’m afraid it’s not up for debate. Let me talk, okay? I’m well aware of what happened last year, and how it happened. And to be honest, I am also aware of the plans of your club,” the dean said with a clear voice. Haseul was not that surprised, she was actually expecting him to know.

“You see, the professors you are targeting now are actually _friends_ with the very owner of our dear university. I know I can just ask you all to stop writing subversive pieces, but my career, Miss Haseul, rests in these professors’ hands. If something bad about them would suddenly spread, the owner has his ways of taking me away from my current position, and I’m afraid he might do something _very unfavorable_ to the students who caused it.”

Haseul just sat there without a word, fearing that she never really had the chance from the start. Her eyes were about to well up with tears, so she looked away from him, and stared at the door blankly. It was, without a doubt, a threat sent to her direction.

“Now, I’m sure you mean well, following the legacy of the seniors who started this - this _trend_ of shaming teachers into resignation, but just for good measure, for the good everyone here, _including you and your members_ , I have to disband your club. I am really sorry, Haseul. The only thing I can promise you here, is that I will have a word with these professors, and I will convince them to put a stop in their homophobia and targeted harassment. Believe me, I will. I’m so sorry if there is nothing I could do to save your club,” Jeong added, with a tinge of sympathy in his voice.

“And I’m so sorry, _so sorry_ , if there’s nothing I could do once I release a statement and some evidence to the television networks about your secret. Believe me, _I will_ ,” Jinsoul said.

Haseul actually forgot that she was in the same room as them. She turned to see Jinsoul with her dark Balenciaga cap on, sitting in his black leather office chair, with her feet propped up on the black mahogany table. Interestingly, the two people were just as surprised as the other seeing Jinsoul sit just like that.

“Is that a threat?”

“Kinda sucks when there’s a gun pointed at your head while there’s a knife under your throat, right?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it is! sorry i don't update on schedule lmao i was really anxious waiting for favOriTe to drop, and wow sdgkjadf gosh dang it idk what to say i'm just so happy we have an OT12 song now!!!! and we hit 1M views before at 18 hours omg huhu perhaps there are tearz~
> 
> anyway, now that we've established the conflict, next chapter is probably filled with fluff hehe please wait for it!
> 
> thank you for reading! :^)


	6. The Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Director Jeong is more than the man he appears to be.

Haseul stood there, watching until the taxi disappeared from her sight. She couldn’t believe how things unfolded at Dr. Jeong’s office. As the leader, she was the one who got pressured the most about the sudden announcement, so she’s thankful that the anxiety subsided, for now.

She decided that it wouldn’t hurt to pay Jungeun a visit before going home. Haseul figured that she deserved to hear the news straight from her. They were a year apart, but they still managed to become good friends since middle school. The older girl knows that Jungeun could do a lot of worrying, so now there she was, hailing ride to her friend’s apartment.

The zealous girl, who’s now in her third year in college, always had a heart for serving her school. Haseul’s mother is a pediatrician and her father is a general, and has inherited both of her parents’ passion for serving the people.

The exhaustion finally caught up to her after sitting down. She leaned her head against the bus window then replayed the whole scenario from her memory as the vehicle sped up.

 

_“Is that a threat?”_

_“Kinda sucks when there’s a gun pointed at your head while there’s a knife under your throat, right?”_

_“You won’t do it. You can’t. You’re just bluffing.”_

_“Oh yeah? Have you seen that article from the internet? Someone tipped them about you having a ghostwriter, and they analyzed your new and old songs. Pretty convincing article, if I say so myself.”_

_“You tipped them off?”_

_“I didn’t. But fanning the flames is way easier than starting the fire, right?”_

_“We had an agreement.”_

_“You also had agreement with the Writing Club, but did that stop you from signing the memo?”_

_Silence._

_“Oh for fuck’s sake, Jinsoul. This thing, and my whole life, my whole career, is different!”_

_“So you’re just fine with verbally abusive and homophobic professors running their mouths in this school?”_

_“There’s nothing I could do if they’re the Chairman’s friends. And since when did you really care about the school?”_

_“I care about the students’ morale. They’re my friends, too.”_

_“You don’t even have the right connections to start an issue about someone like me.”_

_“Wow, I completely forgot about that. Okay.”_

_“Like I said, you’re just bluffing.”_

_“I never forget the internet, though. There’s YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, Insta –”_

_“You really want to blackmail me now? For this club?”_

_“I’m not doing it for them. I’m doing this so the professors would think twice before they try to shame and insult students just because of their looks, weight, and sexual preferences. Why do old people have a hard time accepting that sometimes, it’s their fault, too?”_

_Another silence._

_The man sat wearily on the couch next to Haseul. He just sat there, thinking of a possible way out of the grave he dug for himself years ago._

_“I’m not afraid of anything, Dr. Jeong. I have nothing, nothing to lose.”_

_“Maybe you’re right. Okay, let’s say you’re right. But I really don’t want to lose my position as the Dean here. You know I can’t go back to my old job, so I just really want to stay in the academe. ”_

_“I know that. So you have to at least let the Writing Club go on with their chapbook, and everyone else would be happy.”_

_“The Chairman wouldn’t be too happy to see his old friends go jobless, but I agree with you, those ancients are losing their touch, and we do need new professors. We receive about fifty complaints for those teachers every semester. If we could force them into resignation, great. It all works out for the best. You know I just had to say yes to the Chairman because he owns the whole school. But I don’t always agree with him.”_

_“Look, you’re a good man until someone provokes your career. I know you at least this much.”_

_The man laughed at Jinsoul, finally relieving the office of the palpable tension in the air. He sauntered to the mahogany table and lifted the blonde’s cap off her head to wear it on his head instead._

_“Yeah. Until someone provokes my career.”_

_“Thank you, Dr. Jeong. Don’t worry, once exam week ends I’ll buy you some whiskey to make up for the stress we’ve brought you.”_

_“You don’t have to do that Jinsoul, it’s my job. But I’d be expecting a bottle before this month ends.”_

_“I’m sure you would.”_

_“By the way, Miss Haseul, will you do me a favor and type that memo now?”_

_“Sir?”_

_“You can use my computer here. Print that memorandum saying your club activities will still continue, and I’ll sign it right here, right now.”_

_“Yes, sir! Thank you so much!”_

_“No, Miss Haseul, thank you. I’m sure your parents are so proud of you.”_

_Jinsoul stood up from his office chair, motioning for Haseul to sit down. Fifteen minutes later, the older girl handed their school director a paper, and watched as he affixed his signature and the university’s dry seal on it._

_“Girls, you did well today.”_

 

Soon enough, Haseul arrived in Jungeun’s apartment. She gave her an abridged version of what just happened, and the other girl just sat there, slack-jawed at the sudden 180-degree turn of today’s events.

“But you really don’t have an idea of what happened between Jinsoul and Dr. Jeong?” the blonde one asked, finally recovering from the shock.

“I have no idea! It _did_ sound very serious, though. Because he really flipped and just listened to Jinsoul. She’s so brave, you know? She just threatened him like that and now he’s cool with our chapbook,” Haseul said, throwing her body back to bed, yawning.

Jungeun wondered what other secrets Jinsoul has up her sleeve. First, she’s already fucked half of the prettiest girls who frequent _The Butterfly_ , now she has something to blackmail their Dean about? She thought about how the girl was kind enough to comfort her earlier, so it just didn’t add up to the behavior Jinsoul exhibited when they talked to Dr. Jeong.

The pair talked about encounter some more.  She noted at how ecstatic Haseul sounded, finally relieved of her stress today. She listened happily as the older girl excitedly talked about almost completing the requirements for running as the student council president. Jungeun’s heart swelled with pride – she knows Haseul will do a great job of being the university student council president if she wins next election. It’s been Haseul’s dream to be a director of a music school, after all, so she needs every leadership experience she could get.

A few minutes later, Haseul uploaded a photo of a memo, but this time, it put a bright smile in Jungeun’s face. Haseul instructed them to write more pieces and announced that they will have a meeting next Monday afternoon to discuss their plans further.

Things were finally looking up. She was just about to put her phone down when a message from an unknown number came in.

 

**_???: hi, it’s jinsoul_ **

**_Jinsoul: i asked haseul for your number, hope you don’t mind. are you feeling better now?_ **

**_Jungeun:  it’s fine! yeah im okay now. im sorry i got your shirt wet omg :c_ **

**_Jungeun: and ruined ur hanky. u can throw that away i’ll just buy you a new one jdfskdfg_ **

**_Jinsoul: no don’t be sorry it’s not that serious haha it’s alright_ **

**_Jinsoul: i gotta study now. see u tomorrow :D_ **

**_Jungeun: haha okay x_ **

**_Jinsoul: skjdgskg the fuck?????_ **

**_Jungeun: lmaooo_ **

**_Jungeun: see u tomorrow_ **

**_Jinsoul: see u tomorrow x_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another update! this one had to come before lipsoul fluff(?) so you guys would get why lipseul are tight friends
> 
> i’ve also written two of the same chapter but i’m still proofreading them, so i might drop another update tomorrow. i don’t know if i should upload the one with a bit of smut(?) and i don’t have anyone who i could ask about it so let me just think over it~
> 
> also thank you so much for all your comments! i read them at school AND I BLUSHED AT CLASS lmao so now im writing as fast as i can hehe thank you for reading! <3


	7. The Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are flames that burn through everything, including itself.

Friday. The last day of the exam week. _The Butterfly_ was, again, packed with college students who wanted to drink and dance the night away. Everyone had a stressful week, so it wasn’t surprising that Jinsoul arrived then immediately spotted the familiar blonde’s head on the dance floor, along with her friends. They haven’t spoken to each other properly for the rest of the week after that memo incident, but the pair had been smiling to each other in passing. Jinsoul craved the particular way Jungeun makes her feel, especially whenever she catches Jungeun’s eyes roaming towards her direction.

“Like what you’re seeing?” her best friend, Sooyoung, teased her for the tenth time. “Jungeun’s over there, going dangerously low, and if you’re not going to talk to her, someone else will.”

Jinsoul shook her head and frowned. She never got any action since the afterparty, and that was three weeks ago. She might have some feelings for Jungeun now, but her body needed some _release,_ and she knows she’s going to have to get it from someone else.

“Aren’t you supposed to look for that cute girlfriend of yours? The one you keep on ditching me for during lunch?”

“Two things. First, Jiwoo isn’t my girlfriend, and second, _you ditch me_ during lunch to stalk Jungeun,” Sooyoung deadpanned, earning a chuckle from Jinsoul.

She excused herself, strutted to the bar, ordering a drink while checking out unfamiliar girls who seemed game. She was wearing a bomber jacket over a white shirt, and dark denim shorts that showed off her long, creamy legs.

Just as she was about to walk up to a hot, blue haired girl, Seulgi, one of the girls she’s slept with before, called her name and swept her into a bear hug.

“Jinsoul! Finally!” The older girl exclaimed. Jinsoul was fond of Seulgi – she was the only woman who ever had the chance to spend more than one night in her bedroom. She was three years older than her, and she’s the only one to spend the mornings after without making her feel vulnerable. She even thought about dating her, but she knows her idol career would never let her.

Jinsoul hugged her back, breathing in the familiar smell of her perfume. She immediately felt something brewing in her stomach. “Wow, what an honor to hear my name spoken by _the_ Kang Seulgi.”

“Shh. I’m hiding you dumbass. Don’t blow my cover.”

“Whatever. Could you sign my phone case and my jacket? I’m kinda broke, and I heard your signed goods sell like pancakes on eBay,” Jinsoul said, smiling widely at Seulgi.

The black-haired girl laughed, her sexy voice making Jinsoul’s skin tingle with excitement. “I knew you got our latest CD, so you still live in that condominium sometimes. Paying for a condo _and_ a dorm? I don’t think so, baby.”

“But all college students need money! I’m so broke I actually started selling photos of my feet to old balding dudes, you know. Life is _that_ hard when you’re not a K-Pop star.”

Seulgi grinned widely. She remembered how it used to be with Jinsoul – fun, exciting, easy, and dangerous. When she was with her she never had to bring up the details of her job, unlike the others. She’d tease her to death instead. And Jinsoul was the only one who would treat her like a normal person, instead of fawning over her idol status. The girl never cared about anything other than what happens in the bed between them.

In other words, Jinsoul was the perfect fuck buddy.

“Well what about a sugar mommy?” The older girl inquired.

“That’s just dumb, unnie. You know you can’t bed anyone now, your company will give you hell for that if someone gossips about it. You’ll never risk it.”

“Yeah, that’s right. Which is exactly why I’m here. I came here _for you_ ,” Seulgi admitted, downing the JD and Coke even before Jinsoul could react.

Jinsoul craned her neck and raised her eyebrow quizzically.

 “What can I say, a girl has her needs. I’m actually here to pick you up, if you’re still available.” Seulgi winked, tracing the bridge of Jinsoul’s nose with her index finger before giving it a soft flick.

“Am I the only one, or do you just miss me in particular? I know there were others.”

“I guess you’re the only one I trust to never talk about it,” the older girl shrugged. “I could just hire someone from the agency, but I miss the thing you do with your thumbs. That shit was amazing, I’d even beg for it right now if you want…”

Jinsoul didn’t need to be told twice – she was never slow on the uptake. She smiled triumphantly, prompting the older girl to hold her hand, leading the way to the comfort room.

Seulgi didn’t even wait for Jinsoul to lock the cubicle when she forced her lips into her. The girl was aggressive, even then, and Jinsoul understood that like her, the famous idol wanted some release.

Jinsoul kissed her back with the same intensity as Seulgi untucked her shirt to put her hand on her bare waist. The girl was not there to make sweet love, she was there to satisfy her need. Their need.

Pure lust was written across both of the girls’ faces. “More, more.” Seulgi’s hand immediately took Jinsoul’s, placing them on one of her breasts, as Jinsoul sucked on the skin behind Seulgi’s ears.

“Skip it. Fuck. I want you to go down, now,” the sultry girl commanded.

_“…haven’t talked to her since then, we’re all busy trying to survive. You said she’s here, right? I wonder where, though.”_

A _laughter_. One that she’d recognize anywhere.

_“Inside a girl’s pants.”_

Jinsoul stopped and put her index finger in front of her lips quickly, demanding silence. Seulgi wondered what happened. The younger girl was never one to stop and disappoint her, until that very moment.

_“Don’t be mean, that’s your best friend! I wrote a letter for her but I still want to personally thank her for what she did. It’d be a waste not to, since we’re already here tonight.”_

_“Maybe you should give her a call? I actually have it memorized.”_

Panic surged throughout her body and Jinsoul froze in place.

“ _I already have it saved here. What if she doesn’t hear it though?”_

_“Nope, damn girl always has her ringer on, even when we’re home.”_

Jinsoul felt her phone vibrate in her jacket’s secret pocket before it rang. The familiar noise echoed throughout the comfort room clearly, the sound distinct and unaffected by the music blasting from the outside.

From the other side of the cubicle, Sooyoung nervously watched a very confused Jungeun redial her best friend’s number after the call was rejected. She recognized that ringtone anywhere. Sooyoung already spent two years living in the same room with Jinsoul, after all.

The call was dropped again. Jungeun looked around the comfort room, her eyes landing on the _only_ cubicle that was occupied.

“Jungeun, I think we should look for her again outsi –”

“Jinsoul, are you there?” The blonde asked with a clear voice, walking towards the cubicle door, knocking on it for good measure.

Seulgi was someone who minded her own business, and this one, she decided, was not something she would want to get caught into. She could only look at the helpless girl who’s had a blank stare ever since she held her phone. She squeezed Jinsoul’s hand slightly, offering her a small, sorry half smile and half wince, before opening the door.

The door swung open and Jungeun stepped to the side, smiling politely at the unfamiliar woman as she walked out of the comfort room.

Jungeun sighed audibly. “You’re right, maybe we should go look for Jinsoul somewhere else,” she said with a noticeably strained voice. She walked out quickly too, leaving Sooyoung without another word.

The two girls stayed quiet until Jinsoul stepped out of the cubicle. Sooyoung looked annoyed as hell.

“You think I could still talk to her tonight?” Jinsoul asked, feeling utterly hopeless.

“Bold of you to assume she’d still want to talk to someone who’s just dicking her around,” Sooyoung sneered for a second, before rushing to pull an upset and devastated Jinsoul into a hug.

For the first time in years, Jinsoul allowed herself to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s midterm exam week i’m sorry aaaa also lipsoul interaction is postponed bc im ov*lating and i have about zero ideas on how to edit that cheesy chapter 
> 
> I SWEAR I’LL UPLOAD THAT FLUFF CHAPTER THAT I PROMISED OKAY it’s already written, but i still wanna make it more uwu-able, since i’m about to end this fanfic. 
> 
> thank you again for reading!


	8. The Unravelling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And now, where I once allowed only the softest hands to roam, I welcome anything resembling  
> Anything that sounds like a poem, anything that sounds like strength, anything resembling you."
> 
> \- w.a.

“Stop crying now, I’m sure you guys could sort it out once you talk to her. It’s not like you’re not allowed to do that. You’re you,” Sooyoung put her seatbelt on as she adjusted the rear view mirror of her car, looking at her best friend crying at the backseat. Jinsoul’s face was flushed and her eyes looked puffy, and it was the first time Sooyoung has seen her like that.

Jinsoul put her jacket over her face and lied on her side. “I know that. But why do I feel so bad about seeing her disappointed like that? I don’t know what’s happening to me anymore.”

“Maybe you really like her now, as in, like, like?”

“I should’ve just talked to Jungeun when I saw her. What was I even thinking…? ”

Sooyoung sighed as she revved the engine. “She’ll be fine, you’ll be fine. Jungeun is a good person, she’s probably just shocked at the moment, but she’ll understand. She’s mature like that, right?”

Another sniff.

“Yeah. I hope so. Let’s just go home, I’m tired,” Jinsoul said. She couldn’t make sense of what she really felt about the other girl. It hasn’t even been a full week since she held a crying Jungeun, but God knows all Jinsoul wants is to be able to apologize properly to her. How could she feel so wrong and so sorry when she didn’t even cross any lines?

_Maybe I really like Jungeun now? Shit._

Just as Sooyoung was about to press the power windows close, Jungeun tapped the hood of the car.

“Jinsoul, Jungeun is here. I think she has something for you.”

“Sooyoung, you know I can’t… Not tonight,” The other girl whispered, fighting through her sobs. Jinsoul was breaking all over again, and Sooyoung complied.

Rolling the windows down, she was greeted by Jungeun, who was still catching her breath from running.

“Is… Is Jinsoul there?” The blonde asked softly, peeking into the car.

The older girl gave a short smile.

“I’m so sorry I left you just like that,” Jungeun said, reaching into her pocket. “Could you give this to her instead?”

Sooyoung looked at the letter then took it from Jungeun’s hands. “Of course, I will. Do you have anything else to say?”

If Jungeun hadn’t seen that familiar blonde hair hiding underneath a jacket, she wouldn’t have added anything, but she did.

“Tell her I’m not mad or anything like that. I was just startled, that’s all. That’s how Jinsoul actually is, right? There’s nothing wrong with her.”

_No, that’s not me. Jungeun, I’m not all that._

“It’s fine, I’ve known that for a long time. Jinsoul likes those kinds of girls, right? I’m just…”

_I don’t like them like that… What I really like, who I really love…_

“Anyway, I’ve held you guys up long enough! Thank you, and drive safely, Sooyoung. See you guys around. I’m really sorry.”

_I don’t deserve you if I can’t stop being like that. What are you saying sorry for?_

The girl stepped away from the car, and watch the vehicle with a heavy heart as they left _The Butterfly._

Jungeun missed their meeting today. Apparently, Haseul made another announcement in their group chat saying that they would discuss their plans this morning instead. The exam week was finally over and the results were out, and Jungeun wanted to invite Kahei and Haseul for some pizza, but they all left the school already.

“We should just go home too! Weren’t you tired from last week? All you did was study and write!” Jiwoo exclaimed, squeezing Jungeun’s hand. “I’m sure you’re dying to sleep on your bed again!”

Jungeun laughed. “Maybe you’re the one who’s excited to sleep again? Weren’t you here since seven? What were you doing here that early?”

“Ah no, you know we don’t really have things to do after hell week. I just ate breakfast with Sooyoung earlier. She invited me to this cat café!” Jiwoo chirped. “She said it was a funny way of relieving stress. We held the cats for a while but they weren’t exactly in the mood to play then. Sooyoung said they were actually nocturnal, and said we should just eat pancakes. We’ll probably visit next time. You should come too!”

The two girls continued walking, this time, towards the exit. Jungeun doesn’t think Jiwoo has noticed, but it was glaringly obvious that Sooyoung likes her cheerful friend, in a special way.

She was just waving a sleepy Jiwoo goodbye when she spotted a familiar blonde crossing the street. Things have been awkward around them since Friday night. It’s been a week already, so Jungeun felt that maybe it’s finally time to speak to Jinsoul.

She called her name out, then the girl broke into a full smile before looking down. She walked towards Jungeun with careful steps.

“Why aren’t you going home? We were dismissed like an hour ago, right?” Jinsoul asked. “Was that Jiwoo?”

“Yeah, she said she wanted to go home and sleep instead of eating pizza with me. That really happens when you go out on a date first thing in the morning,” Jungeun said, to Jinsoul’s confusion.

“Date with who?”

“With Sooyoung, of course!” Jungeun said, as-a-matter-of-factly.

“Ah! She always talks about Jiwoo. Yeah I remember,” Jinsoul said. “Well what about you? Are you going home too?”

Jungeun shook her head. “No, I still want that pizza. Not that you’re not aware since your name was next to mine, but I got the highest grades as of now, so I want to treat myself to some good food.” She stared at the road in front of them, feeling a blush creeping on her face. “Want to go get pizza with me? It’s on me, since you’ve been nice to me and my friends the other week.”

Jinsoul’s mind snapped back to Friday night.

_She doesn’t look troubled…_

“Well, I am hungry. And now that you’ve mentioned it, I think I deserve a good meal for making it to the top again. You know a good place?” Jinsoul asked.

“Dominos?”

Jinsoul burst out laughing. “What? That’s not special enough! Come on, I know just where to go.”

They rode a taxi, sitting in a sudden uncomfortable silence. Jinsoul mentally slapped herself for choosing a place that’s half an hour away from school. Now she had to deal with the dead air.

“Have you read my letter?” the other girl asked. “You didn’t text me about it, so I don’t really know if you did… And you didn’t look like you wanted to talk all week…”

Jinsoul nodded wordlessly. Jungeun looked at the girl beside her and saw hurt. Vulnerability, even.

“Jinsoul, you didn’t do anything wrong,” she continued, nudging her with her shoulder. “We’re all adults here. I’m not that dumb, you know.”

Jinsoul was trying hard not to let her eyes well up with tears. She took a long, deep breath to calm herself. “Yeah, you’re not. I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For… I don’t know. That night. It’s just – ”

“I’ve known you for years, Jinsoul. I’ve seen you build that reputation. I wasn’t exactly surprised, but I should’ve seen that coming.” Jungeun said. She noticed that Jinsoul was really expressive, especially when she’s sad. It just made her want to comfort Jinsoul more. “Don’t be sorry for something you just couldn’t change overnight.”

“If I’ve seen your letter first I wouldn’t have done that in the first place. I wouldn’t even think of it,” Jinsoul said, obviously looking upset with the turn of events last Friday.

“Let’s just drop it, okay? I’m not sad about it now, so you should stop beating yourself about it, too.”

Jinsoul finally turned her head to face Jungeun. She stared back at the warmest eyes she’s ever seen, and she drowned there. In that moment, Jinsoul just wanted those eyes to look at her.

“Yeah, I guess. And about your letter, maybe we could try?”

“Maybe we could,” Jungeun agreed, prompting Jinsoul to take her hand and lace her fingers with Jungeun’s.

They talked about their club activities throughout the ride, until the car arrived at their destination. Jinsoul paid for the fare while Jungeun stood there, marveling the restaurant. It has a homey feel from the outside – the walls were covered with moss and potted plants were lined up against them. Jinsoul lead a surprised Jungeun by the hand, walking through a couple of rustic tables covered with neatly patterned placemats. They reached a double door, and went inside the restaurant.

As the bells chimed from the door’s movement, a bearded man sitting on one of the bar stools raised his head from his iPad and smiled at the two girls.

“Welcome back, Jinsoul,” the man greeted. “You came from school, I see,” he said, nodding to her uniform.

“I’d be sad if I can’t afford to visit at least once a month,” Jinsoul chuckled. “Well, we’ll just go and find a good table. See you later, Siwon!” she said, tugging Jungeun’s hand to one of the tables near the window.

They both sat down, looking around the place, Jungeun visibly awed.

“How do you even know this place? It’s really nice here, it’s like they hired a designer to work on the place. Really pretty,” Jungeun said, looking at the paintings that adored the walls. “They have a bookshelf on the corner, too. I saw some of my favorite titles.”

“They sell those. Most of the books are personally owned by the staff, so they just resell their own items and get their money from it. Most of the people who work here are college students too,” Jinsoul explained.

A waiter arrived soon with the menu. They decided on ordering onion & pesto pizza, mozzarella chicken, burritos, tomato espresso, and two slices of chocolate fudge cake. Jungeun was smiling the whole time while picking out what to order, since it’s been a long time since she visited a new place.

“It’s a bit expensive here, but they’re the best Italian-Mexican fusion restaurant.”

“Is this why you picked this place? Because I said I would treat you? Wow Jinsoul, you’re sneaky,” Jungeun said, laughing at the other girl’s surprised reaction.

Jinsoul threw her head back laughing. “Jeez did you think I’d be a regular here if I didn’t have the money for their food? I’m hurt!”

“I’m just kidding. It’s alright, but if the food doesn’t reach my expectations you’d have to pay half,” Jungeun countered. She noted how Jinsoul looked really relaxed here – she saw how the other blonde beamed widely at the staff and at the two other customers.

“It takes them a while to cook the food, so do you want to walk around? They actually have an art gallery upstairs,” Jinsoul offered earning an excited squeal from the other girl. Jinsoul’s heart skipped a few beats from that sound, but she tried not to show it. The pair headed upstairs, and checked out all the paintings and sculpted wood.

Jungeun was particularly amazed at a wooden version of Venus de Milo, Medusa, and Perseus. They slowly walked up to each work of art, and Jinsoul took this opportunity to take photos of Jungeun and stare at her longingly, while Jungeun’s attention was focused on replicas of famous Van Gogh paintings.

Jinsoul just followed walking behind Junguen as she continued to inspect the paintings. She couldn’t look at all the artwork in this room except from Jungeun. Sure, she’s met a lot of girls that she wanted to date, but no other feeling came close to this desire she has for Jungeun.

Jinsoul tried to remember the first time she saw Jungeun during high school. She had brown hair, seemed stand-offish, and had a distinct air that serious, smart people seemed to carry around them. That aura only dispels itself when she’s around Jiwoo. She remembered how funny it was to see the two girls bantering almost every day at class. They pair looked so comical to Jinsoul. It was easy to see that everyone just admired Jungeun because she never insults anyone just for the heck of it, and she always listens first before talking. Jungeun had always been heart-stoppingly beautiful, but today she’s just glowing. _It must be because she’s not stressed out_ , she thought.

Her mind flashed images of the night when she first kissed Jungeun at the afterparty. How many times she longed for that feeling again, she’s already lost count. Not a day passed without her thinking of Jungeun’s lips pressed softly against hers. Jinsoul doesn’t have a solid idea of what true love really is, but every moment with Jungeun makes her sure of it. It’s love. It’s love. And she wants to chase it, run after it, embrace it, and feel it.

Jinsoul broke out of her trance when Jungeun spoke.

“Thank you for what you did, Jinsoul. I wanted to tell you that since the day it happened, but I just couldn’t bring myself to talk about when it makes me cry just thinking about it,” she said, still facing the wall. “I’ve always seen you as an uncaring, selfish bitch who only thinks about getting laid every weekend, but you’re so much more than that. You know the right words to say and you know just when to say them. You know when to talk, and you know when to just listen. And thank you for standing up with us. I thought no one else would support us since we’re going against professors, but you, of all people, had the guts to talk to our school director. I thought you wouldn’t care. You’re really amazing, Jinsoul. You really inspired us to move forward. I hope you know you’re so much more than that.” Jungeun turned around, blinking away her tears and fanning her face, fighting the urge to cry.  “Ah, I shouldn’t have said these. I already gave you a damn letter.”

Jinsoul smiled at the flustered girl. She doesn’t give herself enough credit, when she’s actually quite amazing herself for never giving up, just like Haseul.

“You’re welcome, always,” Jinsoul moved to pull Jungeun into an embrace. She already hugged her the other week, but this time, it felt different. It felt right to have her in her arms. She touched Jungeun’s hair, feeling those soft strands on her fingertips once again.

“If you ever need something, you can ask me anytime, okay? Just so I could pay you back for what you did for us,” Jungeun said, pulling away to look into Jinsoul’s eyes.

“Perfect. Because I actually need you to kiss me.” Jinsoul’s voice was low and husky. For a second, Jungeun laughed at the absurdity of the situation. _Ah, the player is back again._ She loved it when she’s a bit pushy – it made her stomach flip and her heart speed, something no other person has ever made her feel before.

“Wow. You’re needy. Lucky for you, I want to kiss you too,” Jungeun put her arms around the other blonde, then moved closer to plant a soft kiss on her lips. She felt the other girl squeezing her waist. She pulled her head back shortly after, only to witness Jinsoul’s eyes changing from that soft look she’s had since walking in this restaurant, to that dangerous glint she’d seen at the afterparty.

The kiss sparked something inside Jungeun. Wanting to feel more, she moved in once again, kissing Jinsoul with everything she has. All her problems seem to melt away at that moment. She tugged at the other girl’s bottom lip, then slipped her tongue inside her mouth, deepening the kiss. She could feel Jinsoul’s breathing speed up as she pressed herself closer to her.

Just as Jungeun thought about pulling away, Jinsoul made a clear, deep moan against her mouth. The sound of it made her crave for something very inappropriate. If they were at somewhere more private, she would’ve let go of her last shred of self-control.

Surprisingly, Jinsoul was the one to pull away first, seemingly confused. “Jungeun, what –”

“It’s alright, I want this too.”

Not needed to be told twice, Jinsoul grinned sheepishly against Jungeun’s mouth as Jungeun guided her mouth back to hers. Jinsoul cupped the side of her face while kissing her back with more passion than the last. Jungeun whimpered under her, feeling the other girl’s body tensing up against hers.

When Jungeun finally felt breathless, she savored the exquisite feel of Jinsoul’s lips on her for another second more, before putting her face on Jinsoul’s shoulder. She was surprised at herself, but she didn’t allow the embarrassment to creep up just yet.

“I’ve never been into anything serious. But if it’s you, I don’t mind the risks. Maybe we could try,” Jungeun said once more, kissing the corner of Jinsoul’s lips.

“I promise I’m not going to do that again. I really like you, Jungeun. I don’t want to lose you,” Jinsoul whispered softly. She got lucky with Jungeun, she thought. So pure and innocent, with just the right amount of playful. She’s funny without being straight up mean, and is always level-headed.

“Me too. But you already know that, love.”

Jinsoul smiled at the other girl, and was about to kiss her again, when a male voice interrupted her.

“The food and drinks are Mexican and Italian. The paintings and sculptures are, mostly, Dutch and Greek,” Siwon, the chef, said.

Jinsoul was suddenly flustered, to Siwon’s amusement. Jungeun just hid herself behind Jinsoul and smiled at the chef shyly.

“We’ve placed your meals on your table. Best enjoy them while they’re freshly prepared,” he announced, prompting the two girls to walk back downstairs, giggling.

The music was soothing and perfect. The food, no doubt, exceeded Jungeun’s expectations. It’s the best slice of pizza she’s ever had. The mozzarella chicken was good, too, even though she never liked chicken that weren’t crispy fried.

They were just enjoying their food when Jungeun asked Jinsoul again how she stumbled upon this place.

“Oh? I first came here with Director Jeong. When I was around 16, I guess.”

Jungeun almost choked on her tomato soup. “What?! You had a date with him?”

Jinsoul laughed for one full minute before answering her question. “Ah, good laugh. No. We first talked about business here. To tell you honestly, that thing back there last week with Haseul – I didn’t mean to do it to him like that. He’s actually like a father to me. I went back there the next day to apologize and explain some more,” the taller one said, spreading hot sauce on her pizza. “Director Jeong, he’s a producer, right? But he actually stopped working on the songs himself a few years back.”

“So you’re like, his ghost producer?” Jungeun asked, pausing to talk before taking another bite of her chicken.

“That’s right. It’s actually common for producers to have other people working on their songs. The only difference I have from professional ghost producers is that we never had air-tight contracts like them, because he actually trusts me, but I don’t know about it now.”

“I see, so you basically backstabbed him,” Jungeun said, looking concerned.

“Yeah,” Jinsoul said, sitting cross legged, putting her arms on her lap, looking upset. “I told him I wouldn’t really care if I’m never credited with the things I make for him until I graduate, so we never needed a contract. I was really young.” Jinsoul poked her slice of chocolate fudge cake. “He just heard the songs I made for a friend, since that friend kept playing it in their bar. He thought they were cool, and asked for the person who made that album. He was surprised to see me, but he didn’t mind how old I was, as long as I make words and music for him. It’s been five years. He pays for my tuition fee while also giving me my own place to work in, and I let him use my skills. It’s not that bad, really.”

“Wow. He really is a good person, huh? I thought he was some power-hungry monster when he did us dirty last week. So how did he respond? Was he mad at you for what happened?” the other girl asked, propping her elbow against the table and resting her chin on the back of her hand. “Because if he’s angry at you, I’m sure he’d also threaten you somehow.”

“No he’s not like that. That man is kind, you know? Jeong taught me a lot of things about songwriting and all. He’s also a human rights activist when he was young. He’d go to rallies, and join the minorities. I admired him. So when I came back to his office on Wednesday I apologized to him crying. But we’re cool now,” Jinsoul chuckled lightly, scrunching her nose. Jungeun noted at how cute Jinsoul was when she did that – she looked like a puppy.

“He’s that important to you?”

“Of course, five years is a long time when you don’t have anyone with you.”

“Where’s your own family?” Jungeun asked, looking at the other girl’s eyes. “If you don’t want to answer me, that’s fine.”

“It’s alright,” Jinsoul replied, smiling. “I don’t have a brother or a sister. I had a mother, she raised me on her own. She’s amazing, she taught me how to play the piano when she had days off from her work. She was a landscape architect,” Jinsoul smiled at the fond memory. “Unfortunately because of poor construction, some makeshift bridge collapsed when she was working. A huge chunk of concrete hit her head. The helmet didn’t save her. That stupid piece of crap,” She laughed quietly. “Mom would’ve survived if she jumped out of the way first instead of pushing her colleague away. That was seven years ago.”

Jungeun was at loss for words, so Jinsoul just continued talking.

“That person who fortunately survived was Chae’s father. I didn’t know any aunts or uncles, so they took care of me, and I lived with them for a bit. The insurance money was quite… My mother also left a large amount of cash in the bank. But I really didn’t know what to do then, so I just locked myself in with the piano, and after buying a computer for myself. I guess that’s when I really started to get into making songs. Sometimes I share them to Chae, and she’d play my songs at _The Butterfly._ ”

“I’m really sorry about that. It must’ve been hard for you, to lose your only family while you’re young,” Jungeun said.

“I’m fine now, though. Her family always treated me like I’m one of their own, and her mom would always remind me to take care of myself. And Chae is great listener too! She’s just not a good cook,” Jinsoul laughed, launching in the funny story of how Chaewon always burned the nuggets when they had to cook for themselves.

The two girls continued to eat while talking about their family. Jungeun learned a lot about Jinsoul just by sitting with her alone. It’s only been a little over six-thirty o’clock, and they had more time to talk before going home.

Jungeun looked around the restaurant once again – she could see why it’s Jungeun’s favorite place. They haven’t even left, but she’s already planning to return to this place, preferably with Jiwoo or Haseul and Kahei.

A few minutes later, Jungeun’s eyes perked up. “Oh my gosh, this is _Longing For_ by _Ourselves the Elves_ , right? I love this song.” She hummed to the melody of the song while playing an invisible set of drums.

“Oh really? What about it?” Jinsoul nonchalantly asked, putting another spoonful of chocolate fudge cake in her mouth.

“It’s our high school prom’s last song! How could you forget when you’re the one playing the guitar back then, dummy?”

“Oh, yeah I remember! And I remember you running around chasing hets kissing in the dark that time! You got stuck with a job for losers? Man, what a boring thing to do during prom!” Jinsoul laughed, perhaps too loudly, picturing the then brown-haired Jungeun, who had a red handkerchief tied around her arm, trying to prevent any couples from making PDAs in the prom. “Wait, if you guys were actually on scout duty, wouldn’t that mean you never got to dress pretty and dance that time?”

“Yeah, our team just got back from a science quiz conference then. We won second that time. We came back to the city at about ten o’clock in the evening, and our prom lasted until midnight, so we didn’t have a chance to change. We just volunteered for that job.” Jungeun laughed at the memory of it all. It was bittersweet. The year before that, she didn’t go to the prom, and when she had the last chance, things got in the way.

“You weren’t there for two years? Guess you never had that dance, huh?”

“Yep, I didn’t. That’s my only regret during high school. All the people looked beautiful then, and I wished I had danced when I had the opportunity,” Jungeun sighed.

 

_**I’ll set out to find you** _

_**Trace the footsteps back to** _

_**Erase all mistakes** _

_**Lower the stakes** _

 

The song was approaching the chorus when Jinsoul stood up, walked to Jungeun’s side of the table, made a little bow, then extended her hand.

“Shall we?”

The other girl laughed before nodding. Jinsoul led Jungeun, taking the other girl’s right arm with her left. Jinsoul guided Jungeun’s arms around her neck, then put her hands on Jungeun’s waist.

 

**_I stand here with regret_ **

**_I'll find you_ **

**_Aided by a memory map_ **

They slow danced to the song with a steady rhythm. Jungeun smiled contentedly at Jinsoul, wondering if she could have her near her like this, always.

_‘ **Cause I never loved you more that when you went away**_

**_If feelings can never change, then why does my heart say_ **

**_That I never loved you more than when you went away_ **

 

Jinsoul grinned, asking if this was actually Jungeun’s first dance. The other girl nodded shyly, then they continued to dance some more until the end of the song. Jinsoul wondered if she could hold her like this. She’d just ask Jungeun next time. Today was already perfect for her, and she refused to ruin it herself by rushing in.

Suddenly, Jungeun’s hand moved to rub her thumb against the corner of Jinsoul’s mouth.

“What are you doing?”

“You got a bit of chocolate, just there. I had to stop myself from laughing at you the whole time, because you’re being romantic,” Jungeun said, the corner of her mouth twitching ever so slightly, holding her laughter back but eventually failing.

Jinsoul burst out laughing, then pulled Jungeun closer to her. The girl is too funny for words.

The song ended and the pair was surprised to see Siwon chuckling on the other table, two cups of vanilla ice cream on tray. The two sat back down and enjoyed their dessert, talked some more, and left the restaurant happily, holding hands.

They rode another taxi home. Another half an hour passed, and they were finally near Jungeun’s apartment, and it was time to go. She leaned her head on Jinsoul’s shoulder.

“I was scared of falling for you. Really scared,” Jungeun whispered. This time, she’s the one lacing her fingers with Jinsoul’s.

“I won’t do anything that’ll make you sad. But if I somehow do, just tell me,” Jinsoul said, squeezing her hand. “By the way, about your letter, Jungeun…”

“What about it?”

“Here,” Jinsoul said, taking out an envelope from her back and handing it to the other girl. “I wrote a reply for it, but I got too scared to give it to you. Just read it when you’re home. I just want to talk to you until you have to leave, so open it later.”

Jungeun stared at the letter, wondering just what Jinsoul wrote there. Jinsoul didn’t look too serious, so she assumed that there’s nothing in that letter that would make her anxious. She didn’t bother asking her what the letter was for.

“Okay, I’ll text you when I’ve read it,” She said, putting the envelope carefully inside her bag. “Thank you for today, I had fun, Jinsoul.”

The other girl nodded, taking a deep breath. “Me too. I didn’t know you’re a good kisser.”

Jungeun laughed in disbelief – Jinsoul always gets her good whenever she suddenly shifts the topic. “You’re just okay, though. I haven’t kissed someone like that in years. You’re not half bad, it’s not like I got carried away or anything,” Jungeun said, making Jinsoul giggle. She wanted this moment to last so badly. She looked at Jinsoul’s beautiful face once more, pinching her cheek before she climbed off the cab.

“Someone is happy,” Sooyoung teased. It’s a nice, feeling, seeing Jinsoul grinning from ear to ear. She didn’t have to ask – she already knew who Jinsoul was with the whole afternoon.

“And someone got herself a noisy, flappy penguin for a girlfriend,” Jinsoul countered, throwing her bag at Sooyoung, who was taken by surprise. “Seems like you’re not the only one who couldn’t shut up about her date.”

“Oh, like how you’re never going to shut up about Jungeun starting… now?”

Jinsoul shot her roommate a playful glare before plopping to her bed and taking out Jungeun’s letter from under her pillow. She had been avoiding Jungeun since that stint with Seulgi. She opened the envelope slowly, smelling the girly stationery, and read the letter again, even though she’s probably memorized every single word of it since last week.

 

_Jinsoul,_

_I’ve been meaning to write you a letter for the past few days, but I’ve been busy trying to make poems. Nothing’s changed though, I still can’t bring myself to write sappy bullshittery, so here I am._

_First of all, thank you for being there for me when I didn’t even know I needed someone. I still don’t know just how you found me there when I cried. Were you keeping a close eye on me? I couldn’t help but wonder. You’re a really nice person, and thank you so much for lifting me up (literally) when I was about to come crashing down. It’s just sweet of you to stay with me and let me ruin your shirt and your hanky. Whenever you’re feeling sad, just let me know and I’ll be around to try and make you feel better._

_Second, I still don’t know what kind of person you are that you could make Director Jeong change his mind like that. As much as I’m curious, I hope you’re not into anything dangerous. I know we never really talked much even though we’ve been in the same class for years, but if you need someone to talk to, I could keep a secret or two. I don’t know how to thank you for helping Haseul and our whole club. I hope you know what you did really meant a lot for me, and especially to Haseul. I’ve never seen her look so happy and hopeful. I respect you on a whole new different level and I will never forget what you really did for us._

_Finally, I just want to tell you that I admire you a lot. I have no words to describe what I’m feeling towards you, but I know it’s a good feeling. It’s the kind of feeling that makes me want to be around you a little longer. I like it. If I could I would make you stay._

_Maybe we could try?_

_Here’s a little something for you._

 

**_favorite_ **

**_someone once asked me_ **

**_what my favorite verb is_ **

**_i said it’s ‘collapse’_ **

**_it’s an effortless kind of falling_ **

 

**_i’d collapse into you_ **

 

_Yours (if you want to),_

_Jungeun_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here’s the fluff i promised so i hope you enjoyed this one! thank you for sticking around! sorry it’s kinda long – some of the things i wrote here happened to me that’s why it took me a while!  
> 


	9. The Second Anniversary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seas are usually awfully quiet before the storm.

“Do you just get these ideas from your how to make a girl swoon manual? I swear I need to get myself one of those.” Jungeun giggled, smelling the single, marbled red rose.

She had been receiving one red rose every three months, and last year she got a special, marbled rose for their first anniversary, together with two tickets for a flight to LA.

Jinsoul took her to a beach in Santa Monica last summer, something that was just a dream for Jungeun before. Jinsoul had planned on going alone because she was hired to work on a song for a famous American rapper, but she wasn’t about to leave Jungeun for their first anniversary.

After two years of dating, she would’ve thought that Jinsoul would get tired of being romantic, but the flower proved otherwise.

“You keep on saying that, but I just really have a simple list of how to make you happy. Good morning, and happy anniversary, darling. Did you sleep okay?” Jinsoul asked, sitting on the edge of the bed, handing another present for Jungeun.

“Aww, happy anniversary! I have something for you too, but it’s in my bag. Let’s just open them together later. Come back here,” She pleaded, and Jinsoul happily obliged, hugging her under the covers. “Are you seriously asking me how I slept? Have you forgotten we stayed up until 5 AM? Do you want me to smack your ass, Jung Jinsoul?”

“Are you seriously asking me that question? What if I want to, Kim Jungeun?” Jinsoul smirked, making the other girl blush at the memory of what they just did a few hours ago.

_How the fuck does she still have the energy to go again?_

“Stop.”

“Stop? What?”

“That thing you’re doing with your eyebrows. And your puppy eyes. I’m not going to fall for them again.”

“You say that all the time, but it’s always effective. Funny you still try to resist me,” Jinsoul bragged, kissing Jungeun’s hand from under the sheets. “I just wanted to make the most out of today, that’s all. Ever since you guys published that chapbook you’ve been more than busy, and when Jeong got that film producer to make a movie based on your short novel you hardly answer my video calls. I missed you so much.”

“I’m sorry, I know. It all feels surreal. I remember him trying to dissolve Writing Club, now he got me someone to turn my book into a movie? It’s so amazing, I can’t help but get caught up with everything. I still can’t believe you sent him that copy of my draft! I was just trying to ask for your opinion,” Jungeun whined, snuggling on the crook of her girlfriend’s neck.

Jinsoul sighed contentedly, drawing circles with her thumb on the back of Jungeun’s hand, “I’m really happy for you, and I’m glad you’re happy with shifting to a film major. I was scared you’d regret it because you’re spending an extra year. You’re doing so well with those commissions, I just wish you weren’t too busy.”

“I guess life works out like that sometimes. I’m actually jealous that you already know the career you want to get into. Hyunjin’s on her third year and she’s already an athlete representing our country. Haseul and Jiwoo were like that too, I know they both wanted to be singers, but it wasn’t until Jeong advised me that I really wanted to shift into film.“

“Now that I think about it, we actually owe him a lot, huh? I would never gotten into Composition if we never met. Wouldn’t even think of graduating with that kind of major. But here we are.”

“I know. I wanted to thank you for all the chances you’ve given me but I already wrote you a letter for it,” Jungeun said, moving to sit on Jinsoul’s stomach.

“Just say you loved me because I saved your ass that day, I’m fine with it, don’t worry” the other girl laughed, earning a pout from Jungeun.

“No that’s not it, it’s not hero worship,” she shook her head. “I had a thing for you even before our university fair two years ago.”

“You did? Really?”

“It’s in the letter, but I might as well tell you now,” Jungeun said, holding Jinsoul’s hand to put them on her knees. “Thanks again for everything, Jinsoul. I’ll really do anything for you for as long as I can,” she whispered, looking in her eyes. She had never been so sure about anything, or anyone.

“That’s sweet. But you know I always liked kisses in return, right?” the other blonde asked, eyes hooded and lust-filled, her hands roaming from Jungeun’s thighs and up to her waist.

“I know that, love,” the film major said, dipping her head to kiss Jinsoul fervently.

 

After a few hours, they dressed up and ate lunch four cities away.

This time, Jungeun was the one who made an effort to make a reservation in a famous hotel’s restaurant. She had begged for Jinsoul to clear up her schedule for the weekend so she could take her to their house and introduce her to her family. Jinsoul had always told her that she’s nervous about meeting them, but Jungeun figured that she needed to go back home with Jinsoul so they wouldn’t look too shocked if Jinsoul will show up at her graduation.

“Have you told them we’re coming for dinner later?” the older one asked while sipping on a glass of banana milkshake.

“A week ago, yes. They were actually excited to see me with a ‘friend’. I haven’t told them about us, but they already know how you look like and what you do for work,” Jungeun stated, twirling Jinsoul’s hair with her fingers from across the table. “Don’t get worked up, I know my parents are going to love having you around.”

“That’s cool, but I was hoping you already told them we’re together, so it wouldn’t be too hard on me. What if they’re homophobic?”

“They’re not, trust me. I never talked about boys too, so they’re pretty much aware that I’m bisexual. Stop worrying, alright?” she pinched her cheeks lightly. “If you don’t want them to know then let’s just have dinner and tell them next time?” Jungeun asked, sipping on the same glass of banana milkshake.

Jinsoul nodded and smiled sheepishly, leaning over to give Jungeun a quick kiss on her lips.

“Yeah, let’s just try again next time. I’m sorry about it.”

“No, I understand. It’s pretty unfair for you to begin with, you have to worry about meeting my parents but I don’t need to. I’m sorry if I’ve been pushy. Are you sure you’re still fine with coming over for dinner?”

Jinsoul shook her head and reached out to hold Jungeun’s hand, running her thumb over the ring she gave her back in LA last summer. She knew this would eventually happened, ever since she put that band of metal on Jungeun’s finger.

It was the cherry on top of their trip, when Jungeun was a bit jealous of all the girls eyeing Jinsoul at the recording studio. It didn’t help that Jungeun couldn’t understand more than half of what they were saying, so they had a bit of a fight and refused to let Jinsoul in their hotel room one night.

 

_“If they weren’t talking about going to the club with you then why were you smirking with them?”_

_“I told you it’s nothing you needed to know, I was just tired of translating everything that time, and I would never leave you for these people. What makes you think I’d happily be with them in a club while you’re alone in the hotel? I bought you here in the first place, remember?”_

_“Yeah, I know you, you’ll probably take me with you but you would just laugh everything off and leave me out of the conversation. You shouldn’t have brought me here if I knew I’d be getting through this shit.”_

_“That’s not true, Jungeun. We’re here together because I want to be with you. Open up, please?”_

_A knock, answered by a sob._

_“Leave.”_

_Of course, Jinsoul, having a penchant for everything romantic, ran out and broke Jeong’s credit card by buying a simple, but pretty white gold ring with small white sapphires embedded around a single blue sapphire, greatly similar to the ring her mother left her, which was another white gold palladium ring with a single blue sapphire placed in it._

_“Jungeun. I know you’re still there. Please baby open the door for me. I have something for you.”_

_“I’m not hungry, Jinsoul. Go away.”_

_Jinsoul chuckled quietly, putting down the two boxes of pizza she’s been holding and fished out the ring from her pocket. “I have something better than food. Please?”_

_A minute later, Jungeun opened the door for her. She didn’t even wait for her to enter and ran to the bedroom. Jinsoul sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, patting Jungeun’s back._

_“Jungeun, look at me now, and tell me if I’m lying when I say you mean the whole world to me.”_

_She always had a soft spot for Jinsoul’s pleading voice. She felt her heart sink at the sight of her girlfriend soundlessly crying and wiping her tears, but it wasn’t until she saw the ring placed daintily in a velvet box that she broke down into a full sob._

_“For all the times you have sparked a change within me, for all the times you’ve been there when no one else wasn’t, and everything else in between, thank you. I know it’s only been a year and a day, but would you be fine with spending the rest of your days with me?”_

_“Jinsoul…”_

_“If you don’t want to that’s fine, if this doesn’t work out we’d still go back to Korea and I will never be mad at y –“_

_“A hundred times, yes.”_

_“Oh thank God. Because I don’t have the money to get another room. Rings are so fucking expensive, you know?”_

_Jungeun laughed and hit Jinsoul’s shoulder playfully, making her drop the ring on the bed. She cupped Jinsoul’s face and kissed her with every fiber of her being. She’d be an idiot to ever let this girl go, she thought._

_“Damn, could you let me be romantic for a sec before doing that?”_

_“Sorry, I missed you when you left. I’m really sorry I doubted you.”_

_“It’s fine. You know how I was before, and I get it,” she said, taking Jungeun’s hand and putting the ring in her fourth finger. “There, wow it looks better than anything I’ve ever seen you wear.”_

_“Are you sure about that?”_

_Jinsoul thought of the way that little black dress clung to her girlfriend’s waist, her heart beating out of her ribcage as she remembered the night where Jungeun let her take that piece of clothing off her body._

_“Maybe not, that black dress was the fucking bomb.”_

_“Mmhm, I thought so. Thank you, Jinsoul. I’m so sorry you had to do this, I would’ve been okay after another hour, I’m sorry. This looks so expensive… Are you sure it’s fine?”_

_“It’s fine. That’s my mom’s ring anyway. The one I bought is for me, so we’d get matching rings.”_

_Jinsoul held up her hand, revealing a similar white gold band with sapphires that Jungeun failed to notice._

_“You gave me your mom’s ring? I can’t Jinsoul it’s yours, it’s too important –”_

_“You are important to me, so just take it. It’s yours now. I love you so much, Jungeun. I hope you know that.”_

_“I know, I know.”_

After a couple of minutes, Jinsoul confirmed that she’s fine with meeting Jungeun’s folks.

“I’m alright, I want to see them, and I want to look at the place where you grew up, too.”

“Oh, is that it? You just really want to see my room, right? I know you do,” Jungeun teased, kissing the back of Jinsoul’s hand.

“Yeah maybe I do. Are we going back to my place after?” the other girl asked. Jinsoul was hoping that she’d be able to spend all of the weekend with Jungeun. She had been preoccupied with messages all night, reminding her of the shooting deadlines and some revisions of their script, and Jinsoul wasn’t too happy about it. But she understood.

Jungeun looked at her girlfriend then giggled, “I was under the impression that we’re going to sleep over there…”

“Huh?”

“We’re going to sleep in my room,” the younger blonde announced, to Jinsoul’s relief.

“Then I’m definitely game for it,” Jinsoul said, standing up enthusiastically as she adjusted her black Balenciaga cap.

 

The dinner over Jungeun’s house went with a blur.

Jinsoul fit the scenario, as if she was someone who normally ate there with them. Her mother made them a chocolate fudge cake that rivals Siwon’s recipe back in their favorite restaurant, and her father was a proud man who likes to boast about Jungeun’s achievements, even showing Jinsoul their family album full of photos of Jungeun holding various awards and trophies.

Jungeun’s parents excused themselves after another round of exchanging stories, and the two headed to the bedroom.

The moment Jungeun opened her room, she quickly pulled in Jinsoul, only to push her against the door and kiss her in her lips. Jinsoul responded by taking her shirt off and pulling Jungeun’s body against hers, more needy than ever.

Jungeun’s thumbs got wet as she touched the beads of sweat that formed between Jinsoul’s breasts. Jinsoul let out a yelp as she felt a pair of hands fondling her eagerly, craning her neck to give Jungeun’s warm mouth a better access to the soft skin behind her ear.

As she was unaware of how the things were arranged, Jinsoul stumbled blindly in the dark. Jungeun laughed quietly before leading her girlfriend onto her bed.

“You couldn’t even turn the lights on before doing this?”

“What can I do? You laughing your ass off with all my dad’s jokes turned me on so much I almost wanted to steal you away from them and drag you here.”

“Just say my sense of humor is sexy for you and go.”

“Go? Go where?”

“Go. _Down._ ”

Jungeun placed her legs over Jinsoul’s torso, laughing at her girlfriend’s eagerness. “No, let’s just open the gifts! We never got the chance to open them this morning!”

Jinsoul squirmed in protest, but stopped when her eyes landed on the glow-in-the-dark plastic solar system set glued on Jungeun’s bedroom ceiling.

“How long have you had those?” she asked, pointing upwards.

Jungeun looked up and smiled, “Since I was five or six, I think.”

“That’s really cute,” Jinsoul gushed, looking at the artificial glow of the stars and planets. “It’s complete, the planets even have orbits! Did you do it with your parents?”

“Nope, Jiwoo and I did that. She’s been with me for as long as I can remember. So tell your friend to take care of my baby penguin, okay?”

“As if Sooyoung needed another reminder. Don’t worry, she’s really whipped for your friend. Aren’t you supposed to be getting those gifts?”

Jinsoul felt Jungeun’s weight off her body as the other girl turned the bedside lamp on and placed her bag on the bed.

“You mind if I take a shower first?” Jungeun asked, already digging for clothes and a towel in her closet. “Feel free to do whatever you want here, I won’t take too long,” she said, kissing Jinsoul’s forehead.

Jinsoul lazed on the bed as she watched Jungeun disappear behind the bathroom door. She took this time to read Jungeun’s letter for her, as she wanted to open gifts together.

The stationery had a vintage feel to it with the pickup truck and cactus design. She smiled at the memory of their vacation in LA, where they drove around a desert.

She put the envelope under her nose to smell the paper while reading Jungeun’s letter.

 

_Hello, darling. It’s me._

_I have been procrastinating too much, but I finally had the time to write this for you. I know I’ve been really busy for the past four months, and the last time we spent a full day to ourselves was the day after your graduation._

_I just want to say that even though I’m doing all these things, you’ll always be the first and last thing on my mind. From the minute I wake up, to when I’m eating breakfast, on my way to school, during class, in my daydreams, to the moment when sleep would take over me, it’s always been you since first year of college._

_I still can’t seem to wrap my head around the two years we’ve been together, but I hope you know you’re the best thing that ever happened to me. You were always there to cheer me up when I’m sad, and you just seem to know that I need your warmth on days when it gets hard and I’d toughen out on everything._

_Remember when it was storming during the finals last semester and you drove to my dorm just to make sure I’d still sleep for a few hours? You came over to watch me sleep and wake me up, because you know full well that if I slept, I would never wake up even with an alarm, but if I didn’t rest, I’d suffer from a headache during exam and lose my focus. You’re so caring and so kind, I cried happy tears when you left the morning after._

_I can’t believe you did all that, and more, for me. I’m honestly still not over it._

_Jinsoul, you’re the best girlfriend this world could ever give me, and I can’t wait to graduate too so I could finally have the time I need to show you how much you mean the world to me._

_I’ll make it up to you in six months, after graduation, I promise you that. Just wait for a bit more, okay?_

_I could never pen down the words that would make you feel the love I have for you, but here I am, still trying._

_Who knows, maybe next time I’d be able to make a movie instead? It’s not impossible, but in the meantime, I hope my words and my actions are enough to make you feel loved. I know it’s been only two years, but I know, at this point, I’d gladly spend the rest of my lifetime with you._

_All my love letters are for you, darling._

_See you soon._

_Yours (as long as you want to),_

_Jungeun_

****

****

Just as Jinsoul decided to reread the whole thing, Jungeun plopped beside her, stealing another kiss from her lips.

“That was quick. Did you really shower properly?”

“What are you saying? It’s been over 40 minutes, dummy.”

Jinsoul blinked thrice before it hit her in full force – if she was _already_ this happy two years into their relationship, she would be in trouble if Jungeun would suddenly leave her.

“Why are you crying?” Jungeun wiped the single tear from Jinsoul’s face with her towel and pulled her into an embrace. “What’s happening?”

“It’s nothing. I just – I love this letter, as much as the first one you sent me. I’m fine, don’t worry. I’m just happy to be here with you.”

“You’re sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. Just happy tears,” she reassured Jungeun.

“Okay, if you say so,” Jungeun said, grabbing the two boxes. “Let’s open them now, I’m so excited! You first!”

Jinsoul laughed while Jungeun grabbed her phone to take a video. The older blonde carefully unwrapped her present. It was just a small box that fit in her palm, but it was already special for her.

Finally opening the box, it revealed a pair of dark blue wireless in-ear headphones. She was surprised to see that the brand name was nowhere to be seen on the box, but she was sure it was one of the high end unwired headphones currently available in the market.

“This is… ”

“Haseul helped me pick one out, and a friend of mine from the Film circle helped me contact someone who customizes headphones. Do you like it? I know you wanted something smaller for when you’re commuting.”

Upon further inspection, Jinsoul was awed to see a small print of her name on one of the earbuds, and a line art of a blue betta, her pet fish back at Chaewon’s house, on the other.

“I love it, and thank you. It’s really pretty, and I know this is one of those brands the big shots use for themselves. Oh man, it’s so cool. I wanted one for so long but I never saved up for it,” Jinsoul admitted sheepishly in front of the camera. “Your turn.”

Jungeun passed her phone to the other girl and opened her present.

“I hope you didn’t go overboard this time. I swear if this is three times more expensive than what I gave you I’m going t –… You got me a Go fucking Pro? Jinsoul?”

“It’s a GoPro Hero 5, yep. The rest of the package is still at home b–”

Jungeun gaped at her girlfriend in disbelief. The girl really loved to spend big money on her. Jinsoul snatched the GoPro from her and turned it on, taking a photo of Jungeun’s blushing face.

“I can’t believe this! What the fucking hell? Jinsoul, have you been spending your own money for yourself at all?!”

“Don’t get too happy, after this, I’ll just be getting you a couple of laminated leaves and grass as bookmarks, and a mug for our next anniversary,” the other girl laughed to the camera.

Jungeun stared at Jinsoul for five long seconds. _I probably had done something very good with my previous life that I’ve been blessed with someone like her._ “Oh yeah, I’ll surely be looking forward to boring ceramic mugs next year.”

The other blonde laughed, setting her present on Jungeun’s lap. “If I’ll be generous enough, I’ll even throw in a pair of socks and hope you’ll still love me.”

“Ugh, your mind! You could _never_ go wrong with a pair of socks,” Jungeun said, pulling Jinsoul down to lie with her on the pillows. “Thank you for this, babe. You’re the best, you know that?”

Jinsoul giggled as Jungeun peppered kisses on the side of her neck. “Say that again when you’ve seen my second gift to you. You missed the other one, love.”

“You got me a _second gift_?” Jungeun asked, holding her breath. “Just tell me if you already bought our own house, I know a 24-hour drive thru church where we could get married tonight.”

“A _drive thru church_!” Jinsoul exclaimed, unable to stifle her laughter. At this point, Jungeun was trying to shush her down but to no avail, as both girls were laughing uncontrollably, lost in their own bubble of happiness. “Holy fuck, Jungeun, I can’t – now my sides hurt you little shit.”

“So are you going to tell me what’s still in that tiny box? If I scream and my parents run in my room I’m going to let you do all the explaining.”

Jinsoul’s shook her head in amusement as her eyes shone with admiration. She almost forgot that she was a few cities away from her house, inside a house that she’s never went to before, and in her girlfriend’s room. She loved this girl so much she could literally feel her heart beating out of her chest.

_I would actually be down to marry this idiot in a drive thru church._

Jungeun turned the box upside down and read the folded letter that fell out. The look she gave Jinsoul was a mixture of disbelief and excitement, and she was at loss for words.

“Yeah, maybe I overdid it, but it all makes sense, right?”

“Jinsoul, you don’t have to do this, all this, for me, but thank you, really.”

“You’re right, I don’t have to. But it’s something that I want to do. You’re lucky I’m in love with you, huh?”

Jungeun put their presents on to the bedside table “God I hope I don’t run out of luck any time soon, because I like every single moment with you. Happy anniversary, Jinsoul, I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Jungeun, more than I can say,” she said, watching as the other girl turned the bedside lamp off, not one of them breaking eye contact, not even in the dark.

The room was plunged into a pleasant silence. The moon was high up and full, giving them enough light to see themselves staring at each other. The air around them was cool, but the bed was warm with the love that was radiating from the two.

 

Jinsoul woke up to see the polychromatic sky through the windows. It was still mostly a shade of dark blue and purple, the sun nowhere to be seen.

 She felt the early morning chill reach her core, prompting her to leave the bed to look for the remote control and turn the air conditioning off.

“Wha – come back here. It’s not even five.”

She dipped back to bed, kissing the other blonde’s shoulder and covering her with the blanket.

“I need some milk. It’s cold – no, no, no, don’t get up, I’ll get it myself. Just sleep.”

“Milk… Aw my big baby… ”

And just like that, she was back to dreamland while Jinsoul put on one of her girlfriend’s hoodies from her closet.

She tiptoed out of the room and walked to the dimly lit kitchen. She got one tall glass and one cup from the cupboard and opened one cabinet after the other, looking for milk and coffee.

“Good to know Jungeun has an early bird for a friend,” a voice behind her said, followed by a chuckle.

“Oh, good morning! Sorry for scramming on your kitchen, I was just…”

“No need to be sorry dear, you’re very welcome here. Coffee or milk?”

“Milk for me, and coffee for Jungeun, please.”

Jungeun’s mother asked the girl to get the bacon, chicken nuggets, and eggs in the fridge while she busied herself preparing two cups of coffee and two glasses of milk.

“Thank you for taking care of our daughter. We’ve heard quite a lot of stories about you,” the woman said, putting a warm glass of milk in front of Jinsoul while she was beating eggs.

“It’s nothing, really, friends take care of each other.”

“We’ve known for a long time, Jinsoul, there’s no use playing the ‘friends’ card here. We talk to Jiwoo often, and it’s okay. You can call me ‘mom’, if you’d like.”

Jinsoul almost choked on her milk at the woman’s words. She couldn’t believe that both of them were stupid enough not to consider the fact that Jiwoo has been very fond of Jungeun’s parents since they were kids. She smiled sheepishly as she drank her milk slowly, trying to hide her embarrassment.

“She never brought up any boys, and was always shy when she gets asked about a boyfriend during family gatherings, but she never talked about being bisexual, but we’ve always been open about it.”

Jinsoul listened as the woman talked about how Jungeun asked permission if she could go to LA, and how her voice was too cheery to be talking about her _cool friend, Jinsoul, who so good at producing songs she got commissioned before even graduating with Latin honors._

Her ears were red as Jungeun’s mother told her bits and pieces of things they already know about Jinsoul. Then, she launched on the story of how Jiwoo talked about how she saw the two of them wearing similar rings _after_ the LA trip, and how they saw Jungeun casually taking the ring off and putting it in her breast pocket immediately when they came to pick her up from the university unannounced for lunch.

“We’re glad she found you because that girl had her mind all over the place, and we were quite worried about the major she picked, but we’re glad she’s now dead set in having a career in film,” she said, pouring milk in the cups of coffee, adding cubes of sugar, and placing another glass of warm milk tea in front of Jinsoul.

“Our baby tends to zoom in and out of one hobby to another while still keeping her grades up – she’s always been the Jack-of-all-trades kind of girl, but now we’re happy she’s found something worth focusing her passion and energy for. She told us that she would really try to make it big out there, and we believe her. She’s still young, our Jungeun. An extra year or two in college doesn’t matter! As long as she’s doing well, we’re always going to support her, right? That’s why we really appreciate everything you’ve done for her, and we’re okay with the two of you being together. You seem like a very kind person. And smart too, from what I’ve seen in the university paper. No need to be shy and secretive, Jinsoul. I’m sure wherever they are, your parents must be very proud of you,” the woman smiled, taking the bowl of eggs Jinsoul had just whisked.

The sunlight had entered the kitchen when Jungeun’s mother had opened the blinds. The woman looked far lovelier with the morning light, and Jinsoul was more than glad to know that her parents already approved of her even before they met.

Jinsoul smiled at the woman’s statement and nodded, “I hope they are. Thanks for telling me this, we were really nervous about how we were going to tell you but it turns out we don’t even need to worry. And I can’t believe we never even thought about Jiwoo spilling the beans!”

“Love knows no gender, take whoever loves you. Now, go bring that milk tea to our princess before it gets cold. I’ll be making breakfast,” the woman said, smiling at Jinsoul.

She could feel the sincerity of those words hitting her like a train speeding on a railway. Jinsoul barely knew anything about the lady, apart from being a pediatrician and a strict mother, yet this woman already had Jinsoul’s heart and trust, and she knew that there’s truth in every word she’d just heard her say.

“Thanks, mom.”

The woman turned to her and motioned for her to come closer, sweeping her in a hug that made Jinsoul tear up a bit.

“You’re welcome, Jinsoul. Now go,” the older woman said, patting Jinsoul’s bum playfully as she walked out of the kitchen with a glass of warm milk tea.

Jinsoul walked back in to a still sleeping Jungeun, who rolled to the edge of the bed to avoid getting hit by the warm sunlight. She closed the blinds and sat next to the other blonde, who clung to her waist immediately as soon as she went at arm’s reach.

“What took you so long? I was starting to think about having sex with you in the kitchen,” Jungeun groaned, pressing her face against Jinsoul’s backside.

“We’re still in your house, did you forget?”

Jungeun opened her eyes and sat up quickly, making her own head spin. Jinsoul just laughed at her and told her to drink her milk tea.

“Ah, mom… I guess she’s up already. Did you guys talk or something?”

“Oh, you wouldn’t believe what she just told me,” Jinsoul said, winking at the other girl as she disappeared into the bathroom.

The rest of the morning passed uneventfully. After eating breakfast and waving good bye to her folks, Jungeun drove back to Jinsoul’s apartment, grabbed the rest of the GoPro’s set, and went back to work on her short film script.

 

Jinsoul hated the fact that as much as she loved Jungeun’s passion, she also hates how it all took time, time so precious and so scarce she could barely talk to Jinsoul on the phone for one full hour. The girl wasn’t exactly suffering from lack of creativity, rather, she just managed to finish all her projects before the deadline. She couldn’t hate Jungeun for it though, she was still pretty new to the film industry, and has the whole world in front of her.

Jinsoul would _never_ stop her from being a better person.

She was just hashing out all these worries to Sooyoung over dinner when her phone rang. The two girls just stared at the device. To Sooyoung’s surprise, Jinsoul put the ringer on mute and continued to munch through her salad nonchalantly.

“Really, now? Are you trying to be petty?”

“No, I just don’t want to hear her say she’s sorry for not replying for five straight days.”

“Damn. There’s really trouble in paradise, huh? Jiwoo said Jungeun barely replies to her chat too, so I guess she’s really just _that_ busy.”

“She is. I’m not mad at all, but it just… Sooyoung, I don’t want to get used to this – this indifference. It’s supposed to make me feel terrible and miss her right? But I don’t even feel anything _at all._ Do you get me?”

Sooyoung took a sip of her cola, patting Jinsoul’s head. “That usually happens after you’re two years in a relationship. It gets stale. But don’t worry, it’ll pass. You just have to be mature about this. Once she’s graduated she’ll get relieved of that pressure. And everything will be easier for both of you.”

“I wish I could be so sure. I just feel like something’s off ever since we went to her parent’s house.”

“Oh? That was three months ago right?”

“Yeah. I’m actually counting down the months before her graduation. I just really want to be able to see her often without affecting her grades,” Jinsoul said, sighing deeply. “I miss her, I know, but I don’t feel her anymore.”

“You’ve been holding on for three months since then. You can do another three months, Jinsoul. She’s always worth it, right?”

The silence hung as the hues faded out right before Jinsoul’s eyes. It used to be all fireworks and butterflies and fairy lights whenever someone asks her about how she loves Jungeun.  _Used to._ She wanted so badly to say yes. She wanted to say yes. She wanted –

“Anyway, gotta go now, I still need to pick Jiwoo up from work and shop for groceries with her. Jinsoul, you have to go home too. Don’t get too worked up about this, just rest up and sleep and hope it’ll all feel lighter when you wake up the next morning.”

Jinsoul smiled gratefully at her friend, and paid for the dinner. They walked towards different directions, leaving Jinsoul with her thoughts again.

She went home and tried to sleep it off, but even after counting hundreds of sheep, sleep just wouldn’t take her.

Jinsoul walked out of her apartment, hair tied up in a bun, restless, and lonely. Really lonely.

She never knew that in the middle of a busy, crowded, and noisy street, she could feel so quiet and so alone.

After eating a bunch of street food, Jinsoul didn’t notice that she was absent-mindedly walking towards Jungeun’s dorm, but when she did, she continued to do so. She was practically there already.

Two blocks and three steps later, there she was, knocking on her door.

“You weren’t answering my call,” Jungeun said quietly, just moments after opening the door, hiding her disappointment.

A pair of arms wrapped around Jungeun, making her sigh deeply.

“Couldn’t you at least send a text before coming here? It’s, what, three in the morning?”

“I’m sorry, I just forgot, that’s all. Were you sleeping?”

“Not really… Um, we can’t sit here with all this mess… Bed?”

Jinsoul looked around and sure enough, the couch didn’t have any space left for two, since it was littered with papers, a laptop, flash drives, and books.

She could sense Jungeun’s uneasiness as she took her offer. The air grew thicker, and her chest felt tighter – and Jinsoul was so sure that it wasn’t a good time for her to be here. Maybe Jungeun was _really_ just busy.

Jinsoul excused herself to the bathroom to wash her face, and Jungeun decided to get them drinks. It was only just Tuesday, but fuck it, she really needed a drink.

She ultimately decided to open a bottle of wine. Jinsoul didn’t show any reaction and shook her head against drinking, and sat on the bed as well.

The room was quiet except from the sound of Jungeun drinking wine straight from the bottle.

“I’m sorry I don’t give you enough time and attention now,” she said, drawing circles on the mattress with her finger.  “I’m sorry for always texting you that I miss you but I couldn’t even greet you a good morning. I’m so fucking sorry babe. ”

“Is that it?”

“What do you mean?”

“Aren’t you gonna apologize for fucking someone while you already have a girlfriend?”

“What?”

“The tiles are wet, the shower’s still warm, and there’s a damp towel in the bathroom other than the ones you and I use. Yet you don’t smell like you’ve just showered. And your hair isn’t even wet,” Jinsoul blurted out in one breathe, her words thrown like a flurry of punches sent to Jungeun’s vital organs. “I’d like to hear you lie out of this, if you can.”

“Jinsoul, baby, I’m sorry…”

“I know how you look when you’re sleepless with all the studying, and I also know how you look when you’ve just sobered up.”

God knows how much Jungeun loved Jinsoul’s sharp mind. If it was any other situation, she would’ve admitted that she got so turned out by Jinsoul’s detective brain just now.

Jungeun looked at her girlfriend’s face and saw nothing, _nothing at all._ Not angry, not disappointed, not annoyed.

 _Nothing. Nothing._  

With eyes gazing right at Jungeun like that, she felt as though she were steadily being erased from Jinsoul’s life right then and there.

Jungeun wanted so much to get yelled at, or get dragged with stinging words. She wouldn’t have stopped Jinsoul from getting mad, _at least show me that you still feel something, or anything!_ But Jinsoul denied her of any reaction.

She remembered moment she sent her guest away, the way she screamed to herself that she would never cheat on Jinsoul again after this night, but she never anticipated that even before the night could end, Jinsoul would already catch her red-handed. She didn’t even have the time to take a bath before Jinsoul came.

She wanted so badly to have those arms wrapped around her, but Jungeun knows she would never be comforted by this girl in front of her whose heart she’d just broken.

Jungeun bit her lip as a single tear rolled down her cheek. She had no words, and had nothing to defend herself from Jinsoul’s accusations. She was right, after all. What was supposed to be a light dinner with the production team became a drinking session, and next thing she knew, she was on the bed with another person that wasn’t her girlfriend.

It’s all her fault, and she has nothing to say other than _sorry, won’t do it again, please don’t leave, let’s forget that this had happened, please let me kiss it all away,_ but the words kept getting mixed up in her brain. Jungeun gave up on trying to say something, afraid that she’d sputter some dumb excuse and make Jinsoul hate her even more.

Jinsoul took the wine and wiped the mouth of the bottle with her shirt, a gesture hurt Jungeun terribly, then drank an amount that would knock her out in the next few minutes.

“How long have you been cheating on me?”

“You’re asking like I’ve been doing this for a year, when this just happened once, tonight. Jinsoul –  ”

“Once, twice, ten, twenty times – it doesn’t fucking matter. You did it anyways!”

“You weren’t answering my calls! What was I supposed to do? ”

“Oh, so now it’s my fault?”

Jungeun took a sharp, deep breath. The situation was already ugly, and she wanted to punch herself for saying all the wrong words.

 “Look, it was a mistake, and I’m sorry. It’s not you, Jinsoul. I swear it won’t happen again. I promise.”

“No shit, I know, of course it wasn’t me! I did everything and I still got cheated on, Jungeun. This is anything but my fault. You did this.”

“Please, baby, let me make it up to you?”

She was just about to move closer and hug Jinsoul when the other girl stood up, then turned away, leaving Jungeun ashamed, alone, and unforgiven.

“I’m taking this bottle out with me. You can’t drink any more since you’ve got work to do, right? I’m going.”

“I can take you home,” Jungeun said, almost stammering, a lump of sobs she kept on holding back threatening to force its way out.

To Jungeun’s, surprise, Jinsoul snapped her head towards her with the slightest emotional shift, her tone switching to another frequency.

“No, give me some time to think.”

Jinsoul walked out of the door, debating whether or not she could still trust Jungeun after this. Was the truth just staring at her the whole time? Were Jungeun’s hands full from classes and filming, or from juggling two lovers at once?

Her mind was already rationalizing its way into forgiving Jungeun, and she wasn’t even halfway home. She knew what alcohol could do to one’s body, and she knew Jungeun was just probably so out of it.

_Yeah she was just probably –_

This is how she kept Jinsoul nowadays – she throws her crumbs.

 A hello, a smile, a door made up of every other day _promise we’ll go on a date next week_ , the door is shut, she answers only when she pleads, but the door remains shut, still.

Jinsoul walked all the way home. She purposely took a longer route back, and even drank beer outside a 24-hour convenience store to help her sleep as soon as she reaches her bed.

Of course, she considered going to _The Butterfly_ to get someone to fuck the confusion and loneliness out of her system, but she wasn’t about to do the very thing Jungeun did that managed to break her like this.

She remembered the time when Jungeun technically caught her with Seulgi, but this one was different – they already had rings and all, and back then, Jinsoul was just the carefree student out for a good time.

Finally home, she kicked her shoes off and walked straight to bed, not even bothering to turn the lights on. Jinsoul had no idea if it’s still the middle of the night or the crack of dawn, or if she was too mad or too sad, but she knew that her body is finally being engulfed in a wave of fatigue, drowning thoughts of Jungeun into nothingness.

In a bed one city away, Jungeun was crying her heart out.

She loved Jinsoul so much that she’s willing to respect her decision – Jungeun would give her some time. How long that could be, she had no idea, but she would wait for her, still. She held on to the fact that two years and three months was long enough for Jinsoul to rethink things over and forgive her the next morning, but she could not be too sure. Jungeun knows how tough Jinsoul could be. That girl believed that she only had herself in this world and would never let other people take her for granted, or make her feel like crap.

Which was why Jungeun was terrified that Jinsoul might be in bed with someone that’s not her, kissing her troubles away and making her feel good in ways Jungeun could never hope to do at the very moment.

Jungeun hugged her pillow and began to break all over again, letting out a painful cry that only thinking of losing the love of her life could create.

She pulled the bedside table’s drawer opened and took out the very first letter that Jinsoul gave her two years ago, after their first date. The letter still carried the same scent it had when she first read it, faintly, but still there. She was careful not to let a single tear fall on the paper, wiping her eyes with the hem of her shirt before reading the words Jinsoul wrote for her.

 

_Jungeun,_

_In my head, I know I have lots of things to tell you, but I can’t really put them into words. My thoughts are still in shambles and I can’t even understand what I am feeling myself, so I don’t expect you to understand._

_They said that the most important things are the hardest to say. They’re probably wrong. I could tell you that I am falling in love with you every single day and it would never be that hard. Or maybe it does get harder as time passes, but I have no way of knowing that._

_So yeah, maybe we could try?_

_Who knows, maybe this thing will provide you prompts for writing sappy bullshittery._

_If this works out, it’s technically my first shot at something serious. I could tell you how much I’m afraid to mess things up, but that’s not going to help. All I know is that I want to be that someone worth keeping._

_I’m ready to be a better person for you. I’ve never been so sure of anything, or anyone._

_And like I just said, my thoughts are still in shambles and I’m not sure if I’m still making a point. I don’t expect you to understand, but here I am hoping I can make you feel._

_Let me kiss you with everything I am._

_See you around, darling._

_All yours,_

_Jinsoul_

With no one there to comfort her, Jungeun put the letter away and opened her phone, scrolling through her favorite photos of Jinsoul. How could she hurt someone so nice and so beautiful? She wanted to ask for forgiveness, but as the seconds dragged to minutes, she found it harder and harder to do so.

She wanted nothing more than to run to Jinsoul and ask, no, beg, for her to come back, but she already asked for some time away from her.

After showering the unfaithfulness away from her skin, Jungeun grabbed her phone and quickly sent Jinsoul a text before her self-preservation instincts could kick in.

‘ _I’ll wait for you, Jinsoul. I’m sorry, darling. I know this sounds so selfish but I don’t want to lose you, not like this. Take all the time you need.’_

Sent.

Seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhhhhh finally an update!
> 
> contrary to what i said in the chapter before, this isn’t the last one, since i needed more drama before ending this lmaoooo but now that it’s technically my sembreak i’ll give the last LAST chapter within the week haha sdjgladfk
> 
> the other gift that jinsoul gave jungeun will be revealed next week! it’ll fit in with why this fic’s entitled ‘love letter’ hehe
> 
> what do y’all think about this update? let me know in the comments, or just tell me on twitter or cc (im @rapnonon0 btw)
> 
> again, thanks for reading! :)


	10. Love Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No matter how much the lands stretch between us, it still comes down to how I still revel in you, no matter how much the roads have shaped you.”

Jinsoul sighed for the twentieth time today.

If it wasn’t Jeong asking her to take over his mentoring job at the film camp, she would’ve been with Sooyoung and Hyunjin eating bread, ramen, and watching horror films, but he trusted no one aside from Jinsoul to take his place with this one.

The country’s most prestigious film camp, spanning for six gruesome days, was starting today. Sweat ran down Jinsoul’s back as she sat beside a veteran actress, an internationally-acclaimed screenwriter, a word-famous director, and an award-winning cinematographer.

Five people who were considered to be experts were invited and had gathered to share their knowledge and experiences as mentors. Of course, Jaden Jeong himself was asked to teach about music direction, but he said he suffered an unfortunate accident a day before the event, so Jinsoul was there now instead.

Not that she was complaining – the work was basically a free vacation to Jeju Island, and the pay wasn’t to be sneered at, too, considering that the enrollment fees were also expensive. The event producer kept his word and deposited the full payment to Jinsoul’s account, the same amount that Jeong was supposed to get, as soon as she confirmed her attendance after Jeong’s quick endorsement.

_Well, there’s money, and he said himself it wouldn’t be too different from handling interns…_

It was like paradise, like a postcard, and Jinsoul’s never seen anything more majestic.

_And we thought the beach at Santa Monica would always be my favorite._

The sand on the beach was pure white and powdery, and bright, blue sea lapped at it lazily. Little beach hut cabins were dotted along the tree line with hammocks hanging in the shade of palm trees outside.

Sipping from her coconut drink, she scanned the enrollees present. The clouds were nowhere to be seen and the sun was about to come out and fry everyone’s scalp but everyone seemed to be happy.

They only opened 125 slots for the camp. The scheme was each of the mentors would be teaching one class of 25 students each day, for five days, and on the sixth night a contest would be held to showcase short films that would be written, acted, shot, and edited by the five classes throughout their free times after teaching hours, followed by a closing party. The reward was a slot for a paid internship, plus gadgets and items from the film camp’s partners, and the winners would be announced three days after the camp ends.

Jinsoul, as the most unfamiliar face among the mentors, was the first one to get introduced. All eyes were upon Jinsoul as the host told the crowd about all the drama soundtracks she had written under her pseudonyms _Blue Betta_ and _Bright Knees_.

Intense whispers could be heard as people recognized the names – _Blue Betta_ wrote a number of soundtracks for Korean dramas that were mostly sung by Kim Jiwoo, a young songstress famous for her gentle, but powerful voice. And as for _Bright Knees,_ a couple of students remember her for composing and arranging songs for Daniel Caesar and Ariana Grande.

Very accomplished for someone who just graduated last year, they thought, but see _, when you do talentry…_

The host was done with the introductions and everyone was given an hour to prepare for the opening party-slash-brunch.

Jinsoul opened her phone and checked the film camp’s official group chat for attendees. She wasn’t in the group chat until just this early morning, when she was on the flight to Jeju Island, so she never had the chance to properly read the itinerary for the camp.

After a minute of reading the list of people in the chat, her eyes widened as she scrolled past through a display photo of someone very familiar.

She may have braided platinum blonde hair now, but Jinsoul would recognize that face everywhere. She felt a chill ran up her spine – of course Jungeun would be here. Jinsoul herself gave Jungeun a slot in this film camp for their second anniversary.

Wanting to dispel the incoming loneliness, the blonde looked at the sea and walked towards the shore. Its vastness was unimaginable, and Jinsoul let mind get occupied by the sight and sound of the waves smashing into the rocks – focusing on anything but the memory of a relationship that she left hanging on nothing but the promise of waiting.

_I don’t think I’m still ready to see her, after all._

“Hey, didn’t know you’d be here!”

As Jinsoul turned around, she was swept by a hug from a dear friend, grinning from ear to ear, her wide smile rivaling the brightness of the sun.

“Oh! Oh Haseul!” she screamed. Haseul’s enthusiasm was contagious. So contagious her squeal made Jinsoul burst with happiness.

Haseul placed her hands on Jinsoul’s shoulders and examined her. “Aw, I missed you so much! You haven’t changed a bit, except you do look like someone who’s paying the bills now.”

“Well I did buy Chaewon a Nintendo Switch, and I do buy her ice cream every week – just small things to keep our princess happy. But what about you? How are you doing? And why the hell are you here?”

“Yeah I’m actually the one who needs to answer that huh? Since you’re a big fish now, and I guess we have expect you to be at events like this!” the other girl said, kicking sand towards Jinsoul’s feet.

Jinsoul laughed, nudging Haseul in embarrassment. “I don’t even know how I’m doing myself since I just go with what people around here want me to do. I’m actually here just because Jeong couldn’t go.”

“Figured he’s had a hand at this situation. Hope nothing’s wrong with the guy, he’s really nice. You’re really lucky you met him.”

“Yeah, and I don’t think that aspect of my life is gonna change soon, I’m sure.”

Haseul walked two steps in front of Jinsoul before turning to face her.

“Weren’t you so sure of Jungeun too? You guys haven’t talked for three months now.”

“How did you know that? Well, of course you’d know, you’re her friend.”

“Am I not your friend? I sent you DMs about how Jungeun felt but you never read them.” Haseul said, squeezing the other girl’s hand as if it’s going to make her spill anything. ”You can talk to me, Jinsoul. I know it wasn’t easy when you found out, but don’t you think she needs at least just one chance to prove herself to you again?”

“I know she deserves to explain herself and all, but I don’t think I’m ready.”

“Well, when the fuck are you gonna be ready, then?” Haseul deadpanned. “When Jungeun’s forgotten about you and it’s too late to get her back? Have you seen her Instagram?”

“What about it?”

“She posts a lot about you, Jinsoul. She said she’d wait for you, but she can’t wait forever. Do you really want to keep hurting her? Is that it?”

“Haseul, not a day passed without me thinking of Jungeun. Believe me.”

“I know that. You keep writing songs about the two of you that’s why Jiwoo’s been complaining about singing songs that are way too tragic,” Haseul chuckled lightly.

Before their graduation, Jiwoo and Jinsoul signed a contract with BBC where they had to work with each other to create soundtracks for a hit TV drama. It was a small company, and they seemed to hire a lot of newly graduates and blooming artists that were hardworking and relentless in bringing fresh ideas to the table. Everyone in that company was creative and innovative, and their CEO was a man who was not scared of trying new things.

Jinsoul smiled at the memory of Jiwoo giving her all on her first day at the recording studio while she and Jungeun were watching from the outside the room.

_Jungeun stared in awe as a somber voice filled the room along with a familiar melody._

**_words from deep within_ **

**_though i have to be careful_ **

**_i can’t hesitate much longer_ **

****

_“It really is your song. And look at her go! I’m so proud of her… Oh my goodness.”_

_(a/n: for people unfamiliar with this, it’s chuu’s original song, look it up on yt. she wrote it herself. )_

_“I wrote her songs but you weren’t as excited for me like you are now. This woman, really,” Jinsoul pouted, biting on Jungeun’s shoulder playfully._

_“Woman, when you write, you look too serious, and when you’re not satisfied you make weird sounds on the piano, you throw paper balls, and annoy me!” Jungeun put one arm around Jinsoul and pulled her earlobe. “Jiwoo looks so cute when she’s singing!”_

_“Ow, ow… Fine! But yeah I’m proud of her too, she’s really stepping closer to her dream,” she said._

**_close your eyes_ **

**_and i will tell you now_ **

**_take courage, and come one step towards me_ **

****

_Jiwoo looked at them, making the two wave at her with holding hands. The young songstress smiled at them with her eyes._

_“I’m just kidding, baby. Of course, I am the happiest girlfriend right now, and I’m so proud of you every day,” the other blonde said._

**_look at me_ **

**_these words, new and clumsy_ **

**_love you_ **

**_like you_ **

****

“Yeah, I have to admit I’ve never written anything better since…”

Haseul just gave her a slow, sorry smile.

“Hey, I have to go now. But yeah you have to talk to Jungeun. You have five and a half days. If you’re not gonna fix this with her then I’m gonna have to convince her to move on. As her friend, I can’t stand seeing her hurt like this,” the brunette challenged. “Five days, or never again.”

“Five days, or never again,” Jinsoul nodded in confirmation. “Wait, why are you here again?”

“Um, my grandparents kinda own this part of the island. And they own the hotel, just there – see? I’m just here for a vacation before flying to Australia.”

Jinsoul looked at the hotel then looked at Haseul again with her mouth open, “What… How…”

“See you!”

And just like that, Haseul was gone.

Jinsoul looked at the different tents colored red, orange, yellow, blue, and green. She headed towards the blue tents and flags and greeted the 25 people that would be living with her for the next five days.

“Hi, hi! I’m Jinsoul, and I’m going to help you with everything except getting the number of the person you already want to hit on. We got another half an hour before brunch! I need to give you guys your blue bandana and food stub but first, introductions. Name, age, why you joined this camp, and your favorite movie. Twenty secs per person, go!”

The first day and first batch was amazing, Jinsoul thought. She was worried that she’d have to handle the class where Jungeun’s at for the first day, but Haseul told her that she’s staying with the red team, and that would mean she’s going to meet her on the third day.

The schedule said that they have to mentor for a total of five to six hours, and the rest of the day would be dedicated for students working on their short film or whatever the team wanted to do.

Jinsoul finished at around 8 PM, spending an extra hour to help her class with writing their story.

As promised, Jeong called an hour later to check up on the young producer.

“It’s not so bad, huh? Did you follow the lesson plan I made? Sorry for putting you in the middle of this,” the man said, apologetic with his tone.

Jinsoul sat on the shore and waved back to a couple of her students that were swimming in the sea. “No, no problem. I’m actually enjoying it, even though this first day was hectic since we’re just getting to know each other and all. How are you holding up?”

“I’m fine, nothing three days of rest couldn’t fix. I saw a video of you teaching earlier, and I think you’re really doing great. Not everyone knows that soundtracks are that powerful when it comes to film. Go tell them,” Jeong said, adding some ‘wooo’ and clapping sounds, making Jinsoul laugh. “Make sure you talk to Jungeun by the way. She messaged me this afternoon, shocked that you were one of the mentors.”

“Oh no. Not you too.”

“Jinsoul, I know you still want her just as much as she wanted you ever since. You have to mean it. Don’t keep her waiting. Be mature enough to say what you really want now. I’m also worried about you when you disappear on the radar and come back three days later with depressing songs, smelling like alcohol.”

“Well at least I still work. That means my mind’s alright, since I could still compose songs.”

“You’re not alright. I have never seen you so down like that.”

Silence.

“Okay. Let’s not talk about this anymore. But just talk to Jungeun, okay?”

“Will do. Bye.”

After hanging up, Jinsoul accepted her class’ invitation to drink beer by the beach. She went back to the tent to put her phone away, but not before sending a text.

 

_Let’s talk during the closing party?_

_\- Sure. Where?_

_Know that one overwater villa lined with white flags?_

_\- Yeah._

_Meet me at wooden dock that leads to the sea behind it._

_\- Time?_

_9 pm_

_\- Okay._

****

The next day, the mentors finished at about 4 PM, and all five of them decided to grab some food at the snack bar. It was a nice change because Jinsoul’s class was too rowdy, even for her, and this was the perfect time for some quiet conversations with experienced people.

Jinsoul was tense but it helped her ease up when these professionals told her all about their life when they were also just starting to work in the industry. They decided that every day after class they’d have a meeting like this to talk, and Jinsoul was more than glad that she was supported by her peers for this camp.

Third day.

It was now time for Jinsoul to teach the class where Jungeun belonged to.

Haseul visited her tent early that morning to eat bread and milk together, and she gave an encouraging hug before leaving her to prepare for class.

“Good morning! How are you all doing with your short film?”

The class responded, saying they already have their story arranged by someone named Heejin, and their script written by Jungeun, and some scenes shot yesterday.

_Already? She wants that internship so bad, huh?_

Jinsoul’s face clouded over a bit. She inhaled deeply before responding, “It’s a short film we’re talking about here, so you probably don’t need a full length song with layered voices and all that, just background music and stuff, right?”

One guy said that their film didn’t really need a song. Jinsoul responded by saying not making a one was a smart move, because it wasn’t one of the criteria, and they’d have more time for focusing on the acting, cinematography, and editing, among other things.

The topic shifted when majority of the class had asked Jinsoul to teach them her songwriting process instead.

Jinsoul blushed a bit when she got praised by a couple of students about her songs from BBC’s dramas, and her tracks that got into Khalid, and Ariana’s album.

After a two-hour lecture, it was now time for the class activity.

The class would be divided into five groups with five people each, and they would write a song revolving around the theme that would pick.

Leaders of each group wrote the theme they had decided, and Jinsoul made them pick a paper. The themes were opening up, happiness, doubt, longing, and loss.

To spice things up, she held up a stack of five books of ‘Cinematography: Theory and Practice’, signed by all five mentors in the camp. The class burst into relentless hype and energy, seeing that the prize was an amazing souvenir.

“The best group would be decided by everyone here plus me. The group with the most number of votes will get a copies of this book. After you’ve all performed your songs, we’ll all vote for the group with the best output, and we’ll count them together. If you don’t have any more questions, you may start working.”

Jinsoul let them use any instruments they could use, and she also let them do their work anywhere as long as it’s still within the camp.

Eventually, Jinsoul was left alone in the class tent, and she found herself washed with waves of nostalgia.

Seeing Jungeun took a toll on her, and Jinsoul had never missed her as much as she did today. It didn’t help that Jungeun was staring at her the whole time, seemingly unaffected, eyes boring into hers.

She gave the class three hours to work on the activity, and remembering what Haseul said, she then found herself absentmindedly scrolling through Jungeun’s Instagram.

It’s been three months since she’d visited any of her social media accounts, and Jinsoul was surprised to see that Jungeun’s feed’s changed to a black and white theme. Details of places they’ve been: a painting at the Mexican – Italian restaurant where they had their first date, coffee tables at The Owl, the Mac and turntables the DJ was using at The Butterfly, and a photo of them cuddling in bed, a stolen shot of her playing guitar and writing lyrics on a paper, another photo of them holding hands at night at the beach in Santa Monica last year. All of them in dark monochromes.

Pangs of sadness hit Jinsoul as she read some of the captions of Jungeun’s posts.

****

****

**_[photo of Jinsoul’s arm under a blanket]_ **

****

_i remember waking up_

_in that moment i forgot what magnitude means_

_there is no measurement for the earthquakes in our chests_

_no science in counting slow heartbeats as some scale for sadness_

_i remember looking at her_

_hurt, in that moment_

_i forgot what warmth means_

_the room feels cold even with three blankets_

_in all dimensions they are not enough for me_

_but i will tuck you in every single one of them anyway_

_at night when you crash home_

_from the class that makes you sleep_

_to the thoughts that keep you awake_

_do you remember_

_how in another life i long to hold your hand_

_nothing has changed_

_here when i say_

_"i'm in love with you"_

_somewhere else i'm saying_

_"i'm still in love with you"_

_when i look at you in each of the places we meet_

_in all the lives we are_

_it's with eyes that are half awake, and half asleep_

_and when i don't look at you_

_it's a mistake in any universe_

_in any life, in each place, forever_

**_[photo of Jinsoul’s hand writing on a paper with her chin resting on the curve of her guitar]_ **

****

_she is two years ago_

_she is the void and the vulnerable_

_she is the peace and the war_

_the first time you tried to become honest_

_and the last time you'll lie_

_she is the blaze and the blizzard_

_burning you out and freezing you in_

_too hot to keep close_

_but too cold to cling to_

_she is a city sleeping beside you_

_vast anbd explored, but growing unfamiliar_

_streetlights warm and radiant_

_roads descending and distant_

_she is your cemetery and your temple_

_the candles you use to grieve and to worship_

_and you have never_

_you have never_

_you have never loved someone like this_

_she is your first night out_

_your first kiss in the car_

_she is your first quiet moan_

_and your favorite sleepy voice_

_she is your first pot of tea_

_and your last bottle of beer_

_your first box of cigarettes_

_your first real heartache_

_your first panic attack_

_your first night terror_

_and your favorite cold shoulder_

_a mountain is moving inside you_

_and her handprints are all over it_

_here, here, here_

_you loved her_

_in that fractured morning_

_full of regrets and silence_

_full of too mad and too sad_

_only a pair of feet left the bed_

_she is the fight in you_

_the winning and the losing battle_

_floating like a shipwreck_

_and sinking like an anchor in your ches_

_and when they ask you what your favorite moment is_

_you will say 'her'_

_you will always say 'her'_

**_[photo of Jungeun wearing Jinsoul’s hoodie, holding a cup of milk tea at their favorite burger joint near school]_ **

****

_i wore your clothes today_

_sweater, underwear, socks and all_

_not the shirt though_

_that was mine_

_and the shirt_

_everything else? yours_

_i thought it would feel_

_as if you were here again_

_as if i was not doing the things_

_we used to do together_

_all by myself_

_walking along grove_

_buying burgers_

_telling the employee that_

_"we'll just come back for it"_

_because we were going to_

_buy drinks somewhere else_

_because we were trying to save time_

_and if only i had known_

_that someday we would be apart_

_then i would not have suggested_

_to save time_

_i would not have tried_

_to cut our trips shorter by a few minutes_

_because what i would give_

_to have those few minutes back_

_instead, i would have stalled_

_i would have insisted we go the long way_

_but we can only do so much with these_

_"would haves" and "if onlys"_

_so now, i am learning to be more patient_

_trying to take everything_

_one_

_at_

_a_

_time_

_i take smaller steps now_

_there are more slow songs_

_longer roads,_

_and yes_

_still longing for you_

_but when you're here again_

_i'll make sure to never cut our trips short_

Jinsoul’s phone vibrated, snapping her back to reality, reminding her there are two hours left before her class resumes. She wondered how time could pass so quickly when she was just reading Jungeun’s posts.

She sighed heavily as she stood up to grab her guitar, pen, and paper.

The chords and lyrics seem to just flow out of her easily. It was always like this when she’s trying to write – she just thinks of Jungeun and let the sadness take over and create another song.

Thirty minutes before the deadline, people began filling the space in the tent again, and Jinsoul put her guitar away to talk with a couple of students, relieving her of some of the tension she’s feeling about the other blonde.

And then it was time for the students to perform their creation.

But before Jinsoul could call the first group, someone requested that she sing the song she’s been writing while the activity was going on. Apparently, a student snuck back to the tent and watched Jinsoul writing. The young producer laughed, and admitted that she might be a little too focused to not notice.

Gripping her guitar, Jinsoul sat on the table and cleared her throat. It’s been a long time since she had a couple of people listening to her perform live, ever since she graduated Jungeun, Jiwoo, and Jeong were the only ones to see her unfold her feelings by singing.

 

_(a/n: this is the english translation of kim lip’s bside ‘twilight’)_

**_it’s 3 am and my eyes are open again_ **

**_i try going under covers_ **

**_i’m staring at the ceiling, i’m counting sheep_ **

**_is morning even coming?_ **

****

**_the night will grow longer_ **

**_the memories will grow deeper_ **

She wasn’t expecting any of this, at all. After the first day, she couldn’t stop thinking about the ring that was absent in any of Jinsoul’s fingers. How could Jinsoul say and do nothing, yet hurt her in the worst way possible, she could never explain herself.

Jungeun dug her nails into her skin, trying to fight her feelings back. She was supposed to go through this day unscathed if it just went like any other class, but hearing Jinsoul’s soft voice once again after so long broke her walls down, making her shed a single tear.

She felt herself breaking all over again.

 

**_your warm touch, your soft voice_ **

**_i can’t fall asleep without you_ **

**_oh baby, baby_ **

**_even the moonlight through the window_ **

**_seems like you, oh baby, baby_ **

**_i can’t sleep_ **

Jinsoul shifted her eyes from the guitar’s fretboard to Jungeun’s direction – she couldn’t help but look at the only girl she’s really singing her heart to. Jungeun’s eyes were blank as she twirled the ring that Jinsoul gave her around her finger, a gesture she made often when thinking about Jinsoul.

 

**_your morning calls_ **

**_your good nights_ **

**_there’s no more of that now_ **

**_no more_ **

Jinsoul fixed her eyes on Jungeun, as if willing her to look back at her, and finally she did. _You don’t know how much I missed you._ Jungeun bit her lip hard to stop herself from fully breaking down while Jinsoul continued to sing to her with glassy eyes and sullen voice.

**_your warm touch, your soft voice_ **

**_i can’t fall asleep without you_ **

**_oh baby, baby_ **

**_even the moonlight through the window_ **

**_seems like you, oh baby, baby_ **

**_i can’t sleep_ **

The class applauded, and Jinsoul put the guitar down, smiling like seeing Jungeun’s eyes didn’t make her want to dismiss this class and apologize to her on bended knees.

They proceeded to listen to each of the group’s output. Everyone was outstanding, and Jinsoul was glad that everyone seemed to be having a good time in class.

And then, it was Jungeun’s group to perform.

“What’s your theme?”

“Longing.”

“I see. The floor is yours. Guys let’s give them a round of applause!”

“Thanks.”

“Good luck.”

 

_(a/n: this is the english translation of jinsoul’s bside ‘love letter’)_

 

_**all the flowers i received from you** _   
_**suddenly closes its eyes, just like us** _   
_**like my feelings and heart fluttering for you** _   
_**it’s like my heart that has turned away** _

__

Jinsoul fiddled with her phone, avoiding eye contact, but she knew that if she failed to record Jungeun’s voice she would regret it for the rest of the night.

The other blonde sang soulfully while playing the piano, and it didn’t matter if the others were already talking over her voice, all she wanted was Jinsoul to acknowledge her feelings, even if she would never reciprocate them again.

 

**_you and i are locked in memories  
erasing each other_ **

_**listen listen to my heart** _   
_**that i only want you to hear** _   
_**nothing nothing** _   
_**now stop, there is no meaning anymore** _   
_**only a love letter remains** _

_**i really really lonely** _   
_**lingering in my mouth is love me love me** _   
_**i really really lonely** _   
_**swallowing my heart, hold me hold me** _

_**in your cold eyes** _   
_**i can’t see myself anymore** _   
_**words that i couldn’t say to you** _   
_**they’re useless now** _

****

She noticed Jungeun’s voice breaking at that belt, but she understood why. This – _this_ song, it’s about them. Although it looked like it’s a group performance, Jinsoul felt like every single word was written by Jungeun. Something in this song compelled her to listen and look her. Jinsoul knew she still loved this girl deeply, and one misstep, one mistake, wasn’t enough to change that.

And perhaps nothing could ever change that.

 

**_listen listen to my heart_ **   
**_that i only wanted you to know_ **   
**_nothing nothing_ **   
**_no more, there is no meaning anymore_ **   
**_the last love letter_ **

**_i really really lonely_ **   
**_lingering in my mouth is love me love me_ **   
**_i really really lonely_ **   
**_swallowing my heart, hold me hold me_ **

 

The rest of the class hours went about swimmingly. Jinsoul was surprised that Jungeun’s group won, but not really. It was simply incomparable with the other songs their classmates wrote.

She was collecting her things and was just about to leave when one of the students returned to the tent to tell her that the song was just written by Jungeun, all by herself, and that they were just taught how to play it.

The student smiled apologetically, but Jinsoul assured him that it wouldn’t change the fact that the song was chosen by the others as the best one, and they still deserved the prize because Jungeun was part of their group. Jinsoul thanked him for his honesty, and the student left, leaving Jinsoul alone once again.

The girl walked towards the shore and thought about how the events today unraveled. She was well aware of their meeting, but two days seemed far to her. Way too far.

Eating with the other mentors might seem like a delight to someone looking from the outside, but half of Jinsoul’s mind was thinking of Jungeun already.

Jungeun noticed the other blonde staring at nothing in particular for the fifth time since she watched her join the professionals’ table for coffee and cake.

Her mind was running hundreds of scenarios, wondering what kind of talk they were going to have when it’s time for their meeting.

Two more days. And she only has two questions she wanted Jinsoul to answer then.

_How are you feeling? Have you forgiven me?_

She fiddled with the straw of her milk tea nonchalantly as she listened to Jinsoul’s voice from her headphones. _A song about not being able to sleep…_

Midnight came and Jinsoul still couldn’t sleep, not with Jungeun’s face from earlier carved on her mind. Tossing her blanket aside, she grabbed her phone and guitar, and decided to take a short walk along the beach to pass the time.

Jinsoul gritted her teeth as she walked to the villa near the docks – the only place she knew that could shield her from the cold breeze. Haseul told her the passcode for the lock during the first day, saying that it might come in handy if she ever felt unsafe from sleeping alone in her tent.

Punching the right numbers, she entered the villa and marveled at the glass wall, overlooking the sea.

She didn’t even bother to turn the lights on. She stared in awe as the surface of the water glisten while reflecting the moon’s brilliance.

Jinsoul was just about to take a photo of the exquisite view when a strong wind blew in, making her freeze on the spot. Acting on her instincts, she ran and dived on the bed and wrapped herself up with the blanket. She wondered why she never checked this place out before, when it’s actually really pretty and far more comfortable than sleeping in her tent.

It was hard to fight the urge to sleep, but Jinsoul really wanted to take a photo of the beautiful view, so she stood back up and walked to the center of the room.

Jinsoul was just about to capture the scene when she realized that the wind blowing in the room must mean that there’s a window open somewhere.

As she walked towards the open window, she could hear someone singing faintly. It sounded so near, yet so far, and Jinsoul didn’t want to feel scared so she spoke loudly and clearly.

“Hello? Is anyone here?”

She opened the glass door and followed the sound. She recognized the voice as the sound got louder with every step she took – it was her own voice, singing the song she just wrote earlier.

Jinsoul stuck her head out after slipping the glass window open and looked around the veranda. To her surprise, she saw Jungeun sleeping on one of the sun loungers peacefully, completely oblivious of the fact that the wind was too cold for anyone to be sleeping outside.

A small sigh left Jinsoul’s lips as she walked towards the sleeping blonde. She didn’t really want to wake her up and explain why she was in this villa in the dead of the night, but she also didn’t want Jungeun to continue sleeping out there and suffer from a terrible cold tomorrow.

The girl noticed that Jungeun must have fallen asleep while working on their short film. She crouched down and looked at Jungeun’s laptop, and yes – she was in the middle of editing some videos. She also saw that the media player was playing something on repeat, and sure enough, it was a recording of Jinsoul’s voice that afternoon.

She took her earphones and laptop inside then went back at the sleeping girl. Jungeun stirred in her sleep and moved to hug her knees, sighing deeply.

Three months without any contact.

Jinsoul missed the screening of Jungeun’s first film, her first book launch, her graduation.

All of which Jungeun was planning on celebrating with her. _With her._

It’s not that it was easy to forget about Jungeun – the only reason why Jinsoul could just cut her off like that was because she literally drowned herself in work, and more work. She would spend extra three hours in the studio on weekdays, attend seminars on Saturdays, and visit Chaewon to play with her and Olivia on Sundays. She hardly had time to miss Jungeun, but in the middle of a quiet breakfast, while travelling, during coffee (or in her case, milk) breaks, and before she slept – she would always think of Jungeun, and then would remember how broken she was about being cheated on, then work some more to forget the pain.

“It’s okay now. I forgive you. I can’t let go of you that easily, Jungeun. Sorry for making you wait,” Jinsoul said, whispering to Jungeun’s ear while taking her in her arms.

She carried the girl out of the freezing night breeze and gently laid her on the bed. She made sure that no windows were open, and that Jungeun was properly covered with the blanket.

Just as she was about to stand up, Jungeun turned to her and held her hand. “Don’t leave me again,” she pleaded.

“Oh, sorry for waking you up. Are you feeling cold?”

“Jinsoul…”

“Don’t sleep outside like that again,” Jinsoul said, squeezing her hand. “We still have three days here, you can’t just get sick.”

“You should listen to yourself, you don’t even have a jacket and you’ve walked from the tents to here. You can’t teach if you’re sick.”

“Move over.”

“What?”

“You’re right. I’m gonna sleep here,” Jinsoul said, moving to lie on the bed, wrapping herself up with the same blanket.

The two girls lied there together without a word. Everything was quiet, and only the pleasant sound of the waves could be heard in the distance.

 

“Jinsoul, can I ask you something?”

“Hmm?”

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m cold,” she said, shifting to the left right to face Jungeun.

“Can I ask another question?”

“You know what –”

“It’s okay, I’m sorry. Yeah I should let you sleep now.”

“I forgive you, and I never stopped thinking about us – does that answer all your questions?”

The room was dimly lit by the moon, but it was enough for her to see that Jinsoul meant it when she spoke.

“Oh God. Jinsoul, I’m sorry, baby, I’m so sorry I’m –” she said repeatedly, burying her face into Jinsoul’s chest. It felt like her body was going through an earthquake as she shook and heaved while crying her heart out. “I missed you so badly I was so scared when you blocked me and all, and I wanted to say sorry every single day but you told me to wait for you so I did, Jinsoul.”

She pulled Jungeun closer, rocking her gently while peppering small kisses on the side of her face and on her neck. “Shh. It’s okay now Jungeun, it’s alright. We’re alright. We’re okay. Don’t cry now. I’m sorry it took me a lot of time but I’m here now. Stop crying,” Jinsoul pleaded.

Jungeun sat up, then cupped Jinsoul’s face, searching for hints of uncertainty, “Are you sure?”

The other blonde smiled, pulling a paper out from her pocket, “I wrote you something this morning.”

“What’s that?”

“A love letter.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i always did suck at updating on sched hehe but here it is! i couldn’t think of a better way of ending it tho and im already busy with internship so i haven’t proofread this dfghlsdgkls 
> 
> thank you for reading my fic! especially to those who were here since the first chapter!
> 
> to niki, blade, elle, kayla, and jacci for being supportive, y’all are really nice and i love you! uwus out for everyone who managed to be patient with me on this hehe 
> 
> special thanks to kin’s poem, for making me wear [redacted]’s shirt and socks every once in a while.


End file.
